Tolkien and the Sword

I am a fan of J.R.R. Tolkien, the master of words who wrote a story that is so rich in thought and detail that I still read it once a year at least. Thus, my copy of the Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit are in pieces – probably at least four pieces now, with very tattered covers. They are well loved friends.

Every time I read this book, I get something new from the writing. Sometimes, it’s just soaking in the lyrical writing style, especially the iambic pentameter from the Forgotten Tales . Other times, it is understanding a character’s perspective in a new way after I have had a different experience in my life.

One of the philosophies in particular I have been thinking about, fair and foul. When Strider, with his many years of being in exile first comes to Frodo and offers his assistance, he wishes to be accepted on Frodo’s own reconnaissance. Frodo states something to the tune of - that someone who was an enemy would look fair and feel foul, while Strider looked foul and felt fair. Indeed, fair speech may hide a foul heart.

Hobbling about in an air cast, grudgingly being cordial and acknowledging people I know at Wal-Mart (because I hurt and it’s 7:30 at night on a Monday – I didn’t think anyone I knew would be there) – so wrong! Anyway, I must have looked not so much foul as frumpy and rumpled, grey sweat pants that are too big and much too comfortable to want something smaller, a sweatshirt, one tan flat shoe and my lovely orthopedic boot on the other. My hair wasn’t done, no make-up on … blah! And when I’m hurting, I don’t want touched or made to be sociable. But, even when I don’t look or feel my best, I still want to feel fair.

What is that, to feel fair? For Strider, it meant he was someone of his word, with integrity and purpose, someone with self-control, self-confidence, and yet great humbleness and compassion. He was a traveler, a royal exile who had been keeping the byways, forest paths, and hidden meadows safe from the enemy. Yet, in all of the difficulties, he managed to retain his fairness. I think this type of fairness is like a light from within, it’s the soft light that is within someone who is striving to be a force for good, a part of the body. I think that it requires someone to be part of the body of Christ because on our own, we would look and feel foul.

Another part of the Tolkien writings I love is the quote about “not loving the bright sword for it’s sharpness, nor the arrow for it’s swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.” It is so easy to get caught up in the glory of the battle, especially in a moment of triumph. I’m not talking about war being a beautiful thing, but the stories round the fire of battles of moments with skill in sword, spear, and bow. It is really the thing which the sword, strategy, and armor protect for which retains the glory. We all fight our own battles and it’s so easy to get caught up in the fury of the moment. But, what am I fighting for, what glory is that hard work going toward? Instead, I need to know what it is I am fighting for – that is where the glory really lies.

If you haven’t read it yet – go pick up Tolkien. Let the words steep into your consciousness and find your own words that will stick in your heart.

The Downed Tree and the Examination

I recently read a phrase that reverberated around in my mind and settled into the synapses long enough to make it into mid-term memory. Basically, the idea was that you couldn’t really examine a tree until it had been cut down. You can measure it, you can observe it, but you can’t really take a look inside until it has been cut down.

My first reaction was a thought almost of an arboreal autopsy, and how that may be true – but wouldn’t it require that something be dead before that can occur? How sad it would be to cut down a healthy tree just to look inside the skin.

Now, I’m thinking that there could also be more of an examination or assessment. Sitting back in school, move past the memories of desks and friends and lockers – but to the test. What did it cover? The material that you had just been taught, essay and multiple choice to see how much you understood. That doesn’t mean the learning was over, merely that it was time to pause and inspect what had been discovered so far.

My own discoveries this summer, if I look back over the months are wide ranging from the simple to a few ah ha moments, along with a few I’m still trying to figure out.

• · Time doesn’t stand still, but a moment can last a month and a month can last a moment. Holding a new baby or worrying about an ailing friend, each moment is held to and in my mind expanded to hold a tiny universe. Hurts have lasted in reality only seconds and yet, those times in my heart have lingered on much longer. Joy and laughter has flown by even while I clung to the moments to try and make them last longer.
• · If my heart and my head don’t agree, which should I follow? Follow God is probably the advice I would give someone else – and would hope to take myself. But, still not easy to determine. Sometimes, I think that the God GPS needs a translation and extra battery packs. Oh, not that the directions aren’t good, it’s just by the time they get to my ears – I don’t always understand.
• · Adding to that – I don’t always listen. Sometimes I hear, but don’t move or move in a different direction. That would be the GPS again – God’s Positioning System. “Hello, I’m lost again. Can you help?”
• · That tree that looks so healthy on the outside isn’t necessarily healthy on the inside. Sometimes, the truly rotten ones are holding tightly to their beautiful bark covering and leaves. Yet, inside, they are festering. Others are rougher, but inside are strong and growing.
• · Be a friend, quick to listen, quick to hear, quick to care, quick to be there. Be a friend, slow to speak, slow to criticize, slow to make assumptions. Be a friend and stick it out through bad hairdays that lead to bad mood days that lead to truly foul moments with tissues and chocolate and sappy movies. Be a friend and live it up, enjoy the shopping trip, celebrate the triumph, woo hoo over the accomplishments, and praise with a heart that is truly excited and proud of a friend.
• · It’s okay to be mad. It’s not okay to hold on to bitterness. Forgiveness is hard to do sometimes, but you still need to do it. It’s kind of like taking medicine, tastes bad – do it anyway. And take all of it. Forgive doesn’t mean forget. You don’t have to forget, in fact sometimes it’s unwise to forget. Learn though, and let go and let God.
• · When you start something, finish it well.
• · If you make a mistake, go to someone else with your hand open and a clear view of eye contact, make your apology, make it heartfelt. Move on.
• · Real friends are precious. Hold them close.

That’s it so far for me over the last few months. They may sound a bit cliché at times, but you will have to overcome that. There isn’t a grade connected to this, just a chance to learn and then go on. Oh, that would be the last then – keep learning and going on.

Who am I - Javert and the Bishop

“Who am I? Can I conceal myself for evermore?
Pretend I'm not the man I was before? And must my name until I die
Be no more than an alibi? Must I lie?
How can I ever face my fellow men? How can I ever face myself again?”

Words made famous from John Valjean’s song in Les Miserables asks a question that many of us ask during certain points in our life. Who am I? I am the same person I was before? Victor Hugo wrote so beautifully in his book and then the thoughts were translated into music. If you aren’t familiar with the story, Valjean had stolen bread so that his family wouldn’t starve. Then, thrown into prison, he was hardened and broken further by years of hard labor and captivity controlled by Javert. Javert, the overly zealous and biased guard pursues Valjean, assuming that the prisoner whom he perceived was the true man. Instead, a bishop saw the potential of Valjean and stepped forward to show him a new person.

I spoke to someone recently who had made some difficult life choices. She wondered if she should always think of herself as the person she was. But, in doing this, she was losing sight of the person she is. Who am I? It’s not such a bad question to consider every once in a while. I am a child of the Most High King. I am a daughter, a friend, a worker, a dreamer. I am someone who strives, hopes, and doesn’t always succeeds. I’m an imperfect me, learning and not always succeeding. I, as well as this other woman, as well as you – have been created in the image of God. Created with a purpose. We all make poor choices and then have to live with the consequences. But, is the bishop right who saw Valjean as he was and could be, or was Javert who was right who saw what was? Maybe they both are. But, I would like to think that the bishop is the one who sees the greater truth. He certainly did with Valjean.

I really like the way the song ends….

“My soul belongs to God, I know, I made that bargain long ago.

He gave me hope when hope was gone He gave me strength to journey on….

Who am I? I’m John Valjean.”

Planks & Splinters

I’m accompanied on the couch by a body pillow, a regular pillow, and two of those fiber fill small squishy pillows. Somehow, those have all been formed together to hold my ankle and leg in a semi-comfortable positions. Otherwise, it feels like someone is taking a migraine headache, stuck it into my leg and stretched it out over my toes. Then, they wrapped yarns of pain around my ankle and leg all the way up to my knee. So, the pillow conglomeration confederation is in place and offering a little bit of relief and aid.

Yesterday was the Fall Festival of 2009 at my church, a day of music, games, crafts, bonfires, s’mores, fun and sore feet. Oh, and of course – home made doughnuts which were incredible and the fire department came to showcase one of the trucks.

Being rather immobile part of the time has forced me to slow down a bit, not by choice you understand. However, slowing down isn’t such a bad thing at times, though I do recommend a different method of momentum breaking. Sitting yesterday at the Fall Festival, I was watching many different members of the church body and the community come together for fellowship time. People pulled their different skills, talents, opinions, ideas, and worked together for a common purpose of serving the community. When you have so many people working together, even with the best of intentions, conflict can occur – after all people are messy. Sitting there, one leg propping up the other on a folding chair, I thought about planks and sawdust.

It is so easy to slip into a mindset of negative thought and words, tearing each other down. But, if I take the words in Matthew 7 seriously, I need to consider what plank is in my eye. Now, I wear contacts and know how uncomfortable sticking things in your eye can be – but a plank! That makes me think of a beam of wood, a grained conjunction of particles containing my own issues, my own sins. Before I open my mouth to complain about your sawdust, am I seeing beyond my own plank? Let’s strive to be a coherent body, a healthy collection of parts making a whole. I will work on disciplining my mind and words to address my plank. Will you?

Red Blanket

There are some friends that become family, sisters and brothers, parents and children, by choice. One of these, my sister as surely as if we shared the same blood and DNA building blocks, gave me a red blanket for Christmas several years ago. Selected for it’s softness and gentle feel, the color was the perfect shade of an autumn red, warm and vibrant not garish. I remember unwrapping this blanket and feeling the texture, feeling my fingers sink into the threads and the warmth starting to build.

Somewhere along the years, this blanket has become much more than a blanket. My sister, who gave this gift to me, lives eight long hours away. There are times when I need her hug, her warmth and I wrap myself up in the blanket and feel her hug. When I have been sick, the threads catch my body heat and hold it close. My heat reflected back in helped my fevers break, chills to stop, and healing to begin. The blanket has been something I wrap around my shoulders, hold in my arms, and pull over my head when my head hurts, my heart hurts, or life stresses get to be too much and I want to hide.

It’s really just a blanket, but it’s the love and prayers that have happened there that have made it more like the hug of my sister.