New Leaves

We had our first spring rain a few days ago.  With a pro-longed drought and not nearly enough snow to alleviate the dryness, I welcome the sound of the water falling.  Splat, splat, splat on the skylight; what a wonderful sound to my ears; a few streaks of lightning framed the sky for moments like a brilliant photographers flash.  The dirt, dust, and ash that had been forming minute clouds down that traveled down the driveway were tamped back down with the moisture. 

I have thought that the change from no leaves, to little buds, to the first tentative green leaves, to full blown summery green leaves seems like a magical thing.  Somehow it goes from shades of tan, grey, and white (with any remaining snow), to a light green haze and then – POOF – there are leaves!  How did that happen?  I want to sit up some night, sitting at a bonfire, and watch for leaves to make their appearance.

These little green dots on the landscape make me think of what areas in my life might be in winter dormancy.  What needs a spring thaw to bud and form new shoots?  Hummm…. Spring thoughts can be dangerous. 

Gotta’ Get Plugged In

   I use laptops, one at work, and my own at home. For one meeting, I moved all of the required technical components into a conference room, hooked up the network cable, plugged in, and then moved the mouse. Now wait a minute – why isn’t the cursor moving? I moved it, clicked it, moving the little mouse wheel thing, clicking right and left – nothing! All of this took about thirty seconds and then I moved ever so slightly to my right and realized that the mouse wasn’t plugged in. I had to laugh. Of course it can’t work if it’s not plugged in.

   What do I need to plug into? Faith, friends, family, hope, love, laughter, work, and prayer. But, sometimes I get plugged into distractions, moments of discord, stress, and struggles. Then, the proverbial mouse doesn’t work as well in what I want it to do. I have to be “plugged in” to the right things for the motion to work, for action to occur.

Dream Chasing Entrepreneur

   That word, entrepreneur, evokes thoughts of an explorer and a pioneer in my mind. The spirit that brought some westward to explore, tame, and shape seems to beat in the hearts of these men and women to start their own business.
    I was thinking about this last week as I wandered through a few local stores. The ladies that own them are there, behind the counter. One I had visited the week before and made a purchase. She remembered me, making sure to try and connect with a customer. It can’t be easy to be the owner, worker, errand runner, and chief bottle washer all at the same time.
   I don’t want to romanticize it unduly, because the truth is that there is a lot of hard work that goes into this. But, there is something so appealing to having a dream and following it through. Maybe that is what really catches my attention when I talk to entrepreneurs. They are dream chasers. How many dreams have we dreamed and turned away from them because of fear? Fear of failure, fear of the unknown, fear of what others will think. What dream is it that you have? Go be a dream chaser.

I Didn’t Even Realize

   Around two years ago, I had hit a wall. I knew I needed to address the issues, but I didn’t have a good idea of how. I had never dealt with something like this and when conflict would come – I just froze. So, crunch had come. By crunch time, I mean that my middle was crunched with stress. It hurt running into that metaphorical brick wall, and I went to a class which was a light bulb turning on moment for me. I finally put the pieces into place of how to be assertive, set good boundaries, and yet also wanting to care for someone else.

    The thing about any kind of new habit or new skill is that it takes time to learn. So, I very consciously went about trying to do this. Reading a boundaries book, I took great comfort in knowing that when first learning to set boundaries you often would go overboard and draw them too tightly. I set out to put my new skills to work, and they did work. Every success made me a little more confident. With the failures, I would remember that this was a skill and it took time to develop.
   It’s been somewhere around two years since that awful day of running into brick walls (over and over and over), and then going to that class. It’s been somewhere around two years and I just realized last week that I can do these things. I can be assertive. I can be caring and compassionate and assertive, while being gracious. It’s not a perfect mix and I am still learning. But, I didn’t even realize how much it had become ingrained in me.
   A friend on face book posted, asking if there was something we could change about ourselves, what would it be? The answers were all good. People want patience and caring, forgiveness, kindness, persistence, family, and listening; they are all good answers. Realizing that this skill which seemed beyond my ability when I was learning it has now really started taking hold in me, it made me start thinking about what I want to focus on next.
   Confidence in self, based on my values and not on others? Gracious hospitality that is more of an effortless art and less of an enjoyable effort? Believing in my intelligence capability when it comes to topics which are very difficult for me to grasp, and finding ways to really understand them? A better understanding of God and His perspective? Wisdom to know the difference between someone’s opinion and someone’s good opinion and to be able to let one go and hold the other close. Perhaps it’s just learning how to write a doable to do list! Practice of trust in God, even when I don’t understand and to step out in faith, even when I can’t see the path. I’m not sure – there is so much I want to grow into! All I know is that in a few more years, I want to be able to look back and think, wow – this new character trait has become part of who I am.

Grass in the Sidewalk

I was walking up the hill to the car and it struck me that the grasses growing in the cracks of the sidewalk had withered to a very dead shade of plant burned brown. Just a few weeks ago, these plants were bright green and growing quite well. Yes, I know that sidewalks shouldn’t have grasses growing up in them without breaking the concrete eventually. I just remember noticing them because they were such a bright green.

The thing that really struck me as I continued up the hill was that I can empathize with those plants. Though this is not where I am currently at, I realize that just like those plants in the sidewalk, too much heat and not enough water makes me wilt. I need inspiration, time, quiet, noise, music, friendship, laughter, and love. I recognize that just like eating properly requires decisions and effort, so does growth. You can’t just toss out a long term goal of growth or change without planning some steps and how you will continue to re-invigorate your purpose along the way. Otherwise, you wind up just like the grass in the sidewalk, leaves dropped to the pavement, brown, and dry.

Staged Face

She stood on stage. She had the smile perfectly practiced. Her poise came through and she seemed to speak calm and sweetness. Every movement was practiced, the way the microphone was held, the tilt of the head. To the most casual and even slightly mediocre observant watcher, she appears content and happy. It is in the eyes that you can catch a glimpse of the girl who is hiding behind the stage face. The doubt of her self-worth, the pain of hurt, and the uncertainty of growing up are present behind the mascara and eye-liner.
She is beautiful. And she doubts this. She is capable. And she doubts this. She is loved. And she doubts this.

I saw through the stage face. I have worn one as well at times. It is the face you put on when you don’t want people to comment, to state the platitudes which are well known and overly used. They are handy things, perhaps not good – but handy. Especially when having to face a crowd that is hostile, overly emotional, or just blasé. It is a helpful skill when stage lights are in your eyes and you can’t see the crowd at all. Yet, they think that you have singled one of them out specially. It is useful even when dealing with other tasks, which are unpleasant and require some sort of interaction. Yes, useful – but not always good. It isn’t always good because there is no one to disrupt the influence of the lie, to help us relearn truth.
Look beyond the stage face, look in the eyes. Let someone see past yours. Then, the healing can begin.

You’ve Got Mail

One of my favorite movies was on last night, “You’ve Got Mail,” with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks. I love the movie, the word play and the characters. And those words that are in the title, “You’ve Got Mail.” Isn’t it such a nice thing to open up your e-mail and find a message waiting there for you from a friend? But I think it’s the character of Kathleen Kelly that I like most of all. I understand her musings on the bouquets of sharpened pencils, having a view of the world which is colored by her own perspective. Mostly I think it is that this character walks about, not oblivious that others may not see the world as she does, but at the end content to be herself and walk in her own shoes.

I love that, because I find that too often I worry about what others think. I try not to, but at times I vary somewhere between obliviousness towards others perceptions of me, simply not caring, and then caring a bit too much. Oh, not caring in a way to persuade me from my principles, but when you have a twinge of what others are thinking. It’s the ability to twirl, to read and soak in knowledge, to sing, to smell daisies, to read or write e-mails. When I am standing out on the driveway, warmed by the sun and under a clear night sky, I can twirl and sing, or just sit down and watch the dogs play. It is times like that, the moments when I am happily oblivious of what others may be thinking. I can’t say that I can always twirl, sing, and smell daisies (and bouquets of sharpened pencils), but I do like to as much as possible.

For Such a Time as This

The queen, decked out in the beautiful garments, hair done, poised on the moment of destiny – for “such a time as this.” The cry was a rallying one for Esther, but it can be for me too.

Going back to Ohio and Kentucky always leaves me a bit off balance. After moving into different areas as I was growing up, I appreciate having a clear idea of where the grocery store is, that my pharmacist knows my name, a church, good neighbors, and enough understanding of where things are at that I can navigate through the area. But my extended family is around eight hours away. Which has led me to ask God many times, “Why am I in Iowa?”.
The thing about it, is that I don’t really feel that I can leave right now either. I have a good job, friends, a life here. Most days I don’t even think about it, but every once in a while I miss people and think how far they are. So, why Iowa? What if the answer is as simple as “For such a time as this.” Of course, this means that there is more than a mere implication that a purpose and plan are behind life. What a wonderful thing it is to have a plan and a purpose, for a time that is important.

Revealed

God amazes me, because he reveals things to me from time to time. It’s not that I always want to hear it, but the timing is so perfect.

My car has been having some problems, apparently the solenoid cylinder has a problem and needs replaced. Not being mechanically minded, please don’t ask what this very mechanical sounding thing. I just know that the car doesn’t run correctly if it isn’t fixed. They very graciously loaned me a loner car. Sitting down in the car, I had a twinge of a groan. Okay, a full blown groan.
The loner, tattered and smelling kind of stale, ran. Yes, a spot of grumbling was shown up in me.
The next day, after febreezing the car thoroughly, the pup and I headed to her check-up at the vet. Driving back, it was a great time spent in prayer.
God, I’m sorry about the groaning. You have provided for me, and even though it wasn’t what I was looking for, you provided. Here I am groaning and you provided!
I continue to try and change out my grumbling for gratitude, recognizing God’s provision. Though it’s not always easy, it is a conscious effort and means that I am open to what God reveals to me.

Home, Home on the ???

“Home, home on the….” I always seem to get stuck there. Where is home? I mentioned before that I’ve moved around a bit, so when I get that inevitable question of “where are you from?” My answer is always a question back, “at what grade?” In other words, it changed based on different times in my life. So, home has been mobile, and then family home is someplace else.

I am looking forward to a trip home (family home) in the fairly near future, thinking about seeing my family, times together. I get more excited with each passing day. Living in Iowa for 12 years, it is home and yet, at the same time is not. Where is home?
I look around me at the pains, the hurts, the terrible things we do to each other. Is this really my home? What a wonderful thing to be able to say, and know, that this is not my home. Not my real home. But, not being at home can be a lonely proposition. It can feel as if I am alone in the wide weird world. Turning to my Bible, I am reminded that I am not alone in this, I am not alone in this sojourn to my home.
“Dear friends, I urge you, as aliens and strangers in the world, to abstain from sinful desires, which war against your soul. Live such good lives among the pagans that, though they accuse you of doing wrong, they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us,” (1 Peter 2:11-12). Friends who are also aliens and strangers in the world, we are not alone! Then, there are instructions following. This is the decision in life choices, decisions which promotes God’s glory to those who do not know him or have spurned him.
Returning back to the idea of alone, of being away from our real home, I look just a few verses above in 1 Peter 2, to verses nine and ten. “But you are a chose people a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. Once you were not a people, but now you are the people of God; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy.” Not alone, but a nation – we are promised a home. One day, I will finish that song. “Home, home on the…. Streets of the heavenly kingdom.”

New Day or Another Day

A discussion was at work the other day, is it a new day or just another day? We weren’t really debating whether or not the time continuum would continue in its present schedule. This was no discussion of relativity or quantum physics. It was all about the mind-set of a new or another day. A new day being a fresh start and a new beginning for each of us. While on the other hand, another day would be just another day, stuck in some cycle.

Some days are most definitely another days while others are new days. It comes down to the mind set and approach I make each morning, before I even get out of bed. Stopping to pray, before my day begins helps tremendously for that day to be a new and not just another day. After all, “this is the day that the Lord has made!”

Healing

What is healing? How do we who are Christians view healing? Is our view limited and myopic in nature? I have watched family I love dearly walk through difficult health issues. Some I have said a good-bye too, trusting to see them again someday in heaven. Others, honestly I don’t know about. Which on a complete side note relieves me, because I wouldn’t want that job! But, two people recently passed away that were part of my life, one through her quiet presence and the other as the loved one of a new friend.


Two women, two different ages, two different lives, two different stories, two different histories. Both were taken home this week to be with God. They have truly been healed. Yet, I know that my own heart shrinks from that with others – I don’t want them to go. Stay here! Stay, we’re not ready!

The graves sting, the sorrow that makes us sit Shiva of the mind and heart through great loss, is not wholly removed. The sting is still there, though the hopelessness of it is completely removed. Praise God! Those two were healed this week. Completely, totally healed. I think of the weakness, the pain, the agony of the birthing process into heaven. But now, they are healed.

That is a comfort in the face of loss.

Zechariah – SHHH - Pay Attention!!!

Here is Zechariah – going along, doing his job and then he has a surprise visitor. 

Let’s stop here for just a moment.  Have you ever wondered why Luke would start the story of the birth of Christ by talking about an old married couple?  How do they fit into this story of wonder, pain, hope, and truth?  Yesterday, we saw how the story of our lives is not like a simple story book that we read to children with a typical plot.  Instead, imagine that you are walking down the street, for every person you meet, talk to, interact with – you are connected with by a piece of thread.  One of your hands is holding the thread end connected to you, the other to the other person.  In even a short time, imagine how incredibly complex the pattern would be – like the most intricate lace.  Out of times past, you have been handed the thread and invited to be part of this truth.  Now, with thread in hand – let’s keep journeying. 

We left Zechariah yesterday worshipping in the temple as others gathered outside worshiping and praying.  Before entering the inner sanctuary, Zechariah took time to prepare himself to enter THE holy place in the temple.  This place, the very holiest spot in the temple was only entered into by a priest at certain times and after following strict rules for preparation and cleansing.  A curtain separated the most holy part of the temple from the other parts, as this was thought to be the part where God lived.  This inner sanctuary was a spot that was went into with great conscious decision and preparedness, a serious expression of worship.  So, there is Zechariah.  He has taken time to prepare himself, washing himself, putting on special clothes, and preparing to make atonement for the people’s sins.  The purpose of the priest going in was to in essence pay for, pray for forgiveness for the people who had sinned.  Atonement is to compensate or to make amends or reparation.  Zechariah would have approached the curtain and slipped inside. 

I don’t know if he had ever been in the inner sanctuary before, did Zechariah know what to expect?  Fingering the curtains, Zechariah moved into the room, past the curtains to keep the space separate.  The place was too holy, too precious to be viewed by the sinful or on a casual daily basis.  I wonder how the room looked as Zechariah’s feet walked in to this holy place, what a humbling task to go and try and atone for a people, his people.  I wonder if he thought of specific people, maybe people whose sin had affected him personally or those he cared about. 

Zechariah prayed and then – there was a surprise.  An angel came, an angel!  Of course Zechariah was afraid.  Who wouldn’t be?  I think that angels might be used to that reaction when appearing in the reflection of God’s light because they often start by saying – Do not be afraid.  This particular angel, Gabriel, called Zechariah by name and telling him to not be afraid.  Gabriel came to deliver news, Zechariah’s wife, Elizabeth, was going to have son!  Going on, the angel went on to tell Zechariah, “and you are to give him the name John.  He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, for he will be great in the sight of the Lord,” (Luke 1: 14-15).

I can imagine that this is just too much to take in for Zechariah.  First, he is in this very special place and then an angel appears, and by the way – you are going to become a dad!  Then, there is even more, this son of Zechariah, John will bring many of the people of Israel, “back to the Lord their God.  And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous—to make ready a people prepared for the Lord," (Luke  1:16-17).  Head spinning, figuratively and perhaps even physically, Zechariah asks a question – How?  Remember, he’s and older man and Elizabeth is past the age where she can have children.

Let me jump in for just a minute and say first of all that God is big enough for all of our questions.  I love that!  I love that no matter what questions I have, God is big enough for each and every one of them.  Now, God’s response may not be a three point outline in how and why something is or isn’t.  At least for me, the answer is rarely that clear.  Now, Zechariah questions Gabriel the angel.  Responding with authority, Gabriel gives a rebuke that was fairly mild, though I imagine it felt severe at the time.  Gabriel told Zechariah that because he did not believe what he was told, he would be “silent and not able to speak until the baby is born,” (Luke 1: 18-20). 
Imagine coming out of the holy place, literally struck dumb by God’s angel, given a beautiful promise of a son. 
I read about Zechariah and I wonder if I am approaching God, aware of His holiness.  Do I take God for granted or do I pause to recognize His holy sovereignty?  Sometimes, many times, I approach my God much too casually.  I must remember that He is the supreme creator of the universe.  Zechariah had a heart that was humbled to go into this special spot, approaching God with conscious decision.  That requires not only a realization of the holiness of God, but also requires self-discipline.  We are told that the word of God is nourishment for us, nourishment that never turns bad, never grows stale, never is something we outgrow.  Yet, to utilize this we have to be in the Word and that requires both effort and disciplining our time.  The amazing thing is that as you learn more of God’s word, the more you can learn how to listen for God’s voice and recognizing it with more clarity.  Zechariah had his voice taken away from him.  I’m going into that more tomorrow (would hate to spoil the surprise).