Being Bold

Boldness in times of growth.

I read a devotional today about how we often answer our own prayers. The example given was for food. I may pray for my daily bread, but will also be happy to run down to the local grocery store and pick out the items to make the meal I have planned. In someone else’s life, the daily bread may be a true miracle, because the pantry is empty and there is no funding or grocery store available. I give thanks for being able to afford and access foods and to meet other needs. But, this was a great reminder to pray boldly in all seasons.

I will praise You with my whole heart; 

Before the gods I will sing praises to You.

I will worship toward Your holy temple,

And praise Your name

For Your lovingkindness and Your truth;

For You have magnified Your word above all Your name.

In the day when I cried out, You answered me,

And made me bold with strength in my soul.

Palms 138: 1-3

A bold prayer is one I cannot answer on my own. It requires me to maintain my focus on Christ, or I will feel my feet become weak and knees wobbly beneath me. My mind asks, “What if this really can’t happen? What if that doesn’t happen?” I start trying out the “what-if” game, telling myself that if the outcomes need to be adjusted or corrected, this will allow me to be in a position to; even as this is a cry out to God and I have no answer on my own.

Boldness in times of storm.

These bold prayers go to the heart of my confidence in Christ and demand that I keep my eyes fixed upon Him, as this is something I cannot answer myself. Taking my eyes from my own abilities to focus on the one who created me in the first place is actually quite liberating. I can remove the what-ifs, and replace them with the conviction-of an assured belief that God is in charge of this situation and can be trusted.

Boldness in moments of autumn peace.

In particular, the final bit in this first part of Psalm 138 strikes me as a beautiful act of confidence. It is always a comfort when stepping out on faith that it doesn’t require a processing time before God can see, hear, and respond. And respond He does! Not only are prayers known, but answered. This can take many forms, but specifically includes being made bold with strength when the soul cries out. For me, when I am in such a place as to need that element of faith, it is generally something looming on the horizon. I may even know the answer in my heart, and need that boldness to carry it through.

Let me continue to pray boldly, asking for that which I cannot do on my own. For I know my God can do so much more than me.   

Boldness in cold and dark moments, waiting on the sun.

Through All These Things in the Luggage

I laughed along at a radio commentary today stating that on the average women pack eight pair of shoes for a week-long trip. I then complimented myself for only packing four, plus of course the shoes I was currently wearing. Throwing some shirts, jeans, a dress, and all of the miscellaneous necessities (books of course included), into my luggage; bags were hauled out to the car for a trip to visit my very ill grandfather. Very ill, dangerously ill – the miles between home in Iowa and my family home/ grandparents’ home in Ohio stretch out much further than the miles marked off on the highway.

What happens upon arrival is that all of these bags have to be carried in. Knees unbend from their cramped space in the car, arms stretch up to their full range of motion overhead and then sweep down to grab the bags and take them to their designated areas. Wait a minute, did someone stuff bricks in here? I don’t remember this being this heavy when I left. The longer I carry the bag, the heavier it seems to get. Could it be carrying its own gravitational pull? Surely, the bulging seams and strained zipper are not signs of too much in the bag, the bag must have just gotten smaller. Right?

The what if worries are taking their toll this week as we search out information and try to mentally walk through every contingency plan. The thing about the what ifs are that they are disruptive to carry around, and do not add a lot of substantive value. Luke 12:27 states: “Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin; and yet I say to you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.”

I know I am not alone in this bonanza of over packing preparedness. As the packing process is going on, the what-ifs very punctually show up and start asking questions. What if your feet are cold, maybe one extra pair of socks of the thicker variety would be good to have. What if you need to have mucky tennis shoes, shouldn’t you just toss them in? What ifs quickly move into the bags, shouldering out justifiable items.

I am a kitchen sink packer. Friends can confirm it. But hey – the weather might swing 50 degrees and then who will be toasty in her parka or nice and cool in her sundress? Someone else might forget something, I’ll pack that too – just in case I will be prepared. In my own defense, I didn’t bring a jacket, hat or gloves on this particular trip. It is nearly June and that might be overkill. Maybe…

I pack my bag trying to think of contingencies. I might need this sweatshirt – toss it in. Extra socks? Sure, those are always good to have around. Lotion, mascara, and of course the various chargers and computers and such. Water bottles and snacks for the road are loaded in the car and we set off. The trunk is full and my feet are cramped for space. Considering my normal packing habits, I thought that this was pretty good.

Sounds pretty easy – right? No? The thing is, I have to choose to leave the what if and to pack the prayer instead. I have to choose to dismiss the what if and instead pick up thanksgiving. I have to put down my way and pick up trust in the sovereignty of God. The kitchen sink is still packed, but it is from a different kitchen. This one doesn’t strain my bag with bulkiness and is lighter to carry. Put down those what ifs and pick up thankfulness, prayer, and supplication.

Worship in a Box

A series of boxes hold Christmas decorations. Each box is completely full and packed tightly. It’s time to start decorating, but to my complete confusion I have found someone who insists that we only use the decorations in one box, one box that they have filled. I can see all of the other choices, but the response is an insistence to just use that one box. I agree, hoping that when we get started with one box, others will be added – building on momentum. One box gives us the bottom of the center pole for a Christmas tree, three of the needed branches, a dozen ornaments, and a door hanger for a wreath.

Sound odd? Sound like hyperbole? Sound like there is more to the story? 

There is! But, we need to take a small side trip to get to the ending.

A few years ago, I heard someone talking on the radio about choosing a different word each year to mull over, think on, study, and intentionally consider over the course of the comings and goings of the next 365 days. I have done this for a few years, and my word this year is worship.

In studying the word worship, I find that it is first mentioned about 700 years ago in a format we would find more familiar in an English root. Basically, it is defined as a sense of reverence for something that is worthy of honor, glory; a divine being. I love how big this word is!

After learning about where the word came from, I started looking around at how this word is used around me. I caught glimpses of that broadness, but most of the time I have found worship smashed into a box, kind of like those Christmas decorations. (Told you we would get back there eventually.) 

Remember the one odd ball box of decorations? I don’t decorate like that and I bet you don’t either. But I found worship compressed into one media - one style - one speed - one color, or maybe if it was a big box, two or three.  The one, two or three worship definitions smashed into the box has nothing wrong with it. Not wrong, but limited. I have struggled and grappled with this all year, looking for my own box limits in worshipping God. After all, who best to revere than Jesus? I have found many spots where I needed to expand and look at several boxes.

.

I want to encourage you to consider, as you also haul the Christmas decorations in boxes through the house, what your worship boxes are. Will you join me in expanding horizons?

An Advent prayer from Common Prayers:

Give us ears to hear, O God, 

and eyes to watch, 
that we may know your presence in our midst 
during this holy season of joy 
as we anticipate the coming of Jesus Christ. Amen.

By Many Titles

They may be called mom, momma, grandma, mee-maw, granny, gran, gram, auntie or various other names that can mean mentor, teacher, protector, guider, and matriarch.  Known by many titles, women can form solid bedrock of strength in our life through their efforts and energies.  Though it is not a guarantee that all women will nurture those around them, there are many that expend their energies to do so. 

Today is the recognized Mother’s Day holiday and I enjoyed recognizing my own mom and her role in my life today.  She is such a tremendous example of love and wisdom.  We have shared tears through laughter and over difficulties.  We have challenged each other to learn different skills and shared many adventures.  Girls trips, prayer times, history discussions, faith building, baking bread, singing songs, book reading, and confidence building are just a few of the things she has brought into my life.  I thank her for being a mother who has parented passionately and intentionally, wanting to be the best mother possible.

There are also other women who have instilled good things into me.  So many strong and vibrant women flash through my mind, who “mothered” me even though not my birth mother.  Beyond women in my family who have also been an example, I wanted to mention a few others.  My dear sisters who mother their own children and are a source of joy to watch, especially as I get to be an aunt!  My Ohio mom who has been a voice of comfort in times when the world was falling down, and also lets me be silly and relax in my skin.  A Kentucky Sunday School teacher provided me with a place to feel accepted when I felt so very out of my comfort zone.  My dear Ena who passed away not terribly long ago, she was my baby sitter when I was a baby and a little girl.  She kept me busy, loved, prayed over, and gave southern sweet tea as a treat.  My eighth grade science teacher helped me bridge the move to Florida while being someone who could talk about NASA and explain math.  We shared a common love of space and she is still so dear to me.  Student teaching with two lovely ladies taught me about loving students and also maintaining energetic professionalism in a classroom.  Challenged to think, laugh, explore, love, and grow – these women and so many more have been enormous influences in my life.  I thank them and wish them Happy Mother’s Day! 

You may or may not have children.  You may have experienced the loss of a mom or a child.  So many women suffer through this day instead of celebrating it, and to them I say let’s celebrate your influence in “momming” others around you!

Unsettled

It is not the first time Boston has been left feeling unsettled, in the midst of tension of protecting one’s family and self from harm as well as a sense of defiance against fear.  Historic Boston is known for a population that standing firmly with strength for what they believe is right.  Again, Boston is standing once again, standing for the law enforcement community and standing against fear.

I am a lover of history, and when I think of Boston that is so rich in history, Abigail Adams is one of the first that come to my mind.  She wrote letters to her husband, John Adams, and shared with him the experiences that they were going through at the time.  She writes of her “heart bursting, and the need to vent with her pen.”  Their beloved home was in the center of a conflict.

Abigail wrote of standing on a bluff and watching the conflict below as it occurred.   That is a little how I feel watching the news this morning.  Not in the immediate conflict, but as an observer who cannot control where the pieces are falling.  Prayers go out for the police officer, the victims, and the families and friends who will grieve the loss for the rest of their lives.  For though I cannot control how this will play-out, I can pray that God will not only end this without further bloodshed and that the healer will start the healing process. 

Heal Boston, mend, and continue to stand strong.  You are not standing alone.  

Sunday Morning Prayers

   I enjoy church services most of the time, the sermons that I am privileged to listen to are really wonderful and quite often challenge me to think of God in a new way. This last Sunday I felt burdened to forego listening to the sermon and pray instead. I want to share a piece of that.

   “Lord, today I feel burdened to pray, though torn because I believe that this sermon is going to be good and useful to hear. But I also want to have a merry hear Lord, doing what you want me too obediently and with joy. So, here we are. I also want a Mary heart, one that sits in your presence, content to soak you in. So again, here we are.
   Lord, my heart is heavy. So much news, such sadness and hurting, fearful and hateful and terrible things in the world. What do I do in the midst of this? We have so many that are ill, many that are angry, burdened, frustrated. I am overwhelmed at the hurt, broken hearted over the pain. What can I possibly do with all of this? I could just ask for you to fix it. But even as you do, because you are faithful to, would I remember to thank you? I hope so.
   Lord, please let our hearts be submissive to you, open to hear you. Abba Father, our ears are so stopped up that we only hear muffles of your word. Remove the blockages, that sin like an ugly and filthy dirt, so that we can hear you. How you love us, I don’t know if I will understand, but I am grateful.
   Lord, I loose your forgiveness. I loose a quiet, conscious, driven seeking of your quiet, of you – that we will ache with the need for time with you.
   Lord, I loose your peace. In the midst of such suffering, in the middle of an ugly world with hateful words, poor attitudes, and the tyranny of busyness, the deceit of arrogance, I loose Your Peace. In the middle of all of that and more, the wreckage of humanity, I believe that you will clean up the filth. The mess is overwhelming when your peace and grace illuminates it. But, then, we watch the hands remove the debris. I think of the wreckage in the lives of people have been hit with earthquakes, floods, tsunamis, fires. The debris is still being cleaned up, I beg you to loose your peace in the middle of the cleaning.
   Lord, I loose your joy. Let my own heart be joyful in my tasks. When difficulties come, please maintain the balance of joy in my life. Let me do my tasks with joy.
   Lord, I loose your goodness and holiness. Father, the people here, in this room right now, they are your children that you know intimately from before they were born. You know them from head to foot, each hair, freckle, thought, want hope, hurt, desire. You know all. In this please loose your goodness to pull us closer to you.
   Thank you Father, my own heart is lighter. You are so good. Thank you that you do not just leave us when we mess up to clean up the afore said mess. But instead, you help us, illuminate our way, and bring your joy, peace, growth, and love.”
   This is just a part of it. I missed really paying attention to the sermon, but I felt as if Jesus were sitting in the pew with me. I just couldn’t miss out on the time to talk to Him.

Where is the Power in Prayer

    Finishing up the list of why we pray in James 5, this statement follows, “The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” While I would like to think my own prayers are effective and powerful, I know that I don’t have a source of power within me that can actually answer prayer. So, how does that work with this statement? Righteous prayers are those aligned to God’s will. I would imagine that they are honorable and upright before God. Following God’s plan and seeking God’s will – the prayer of a righteous man is something which also aligns with who God is.

   So, align myself with who God is – and pray with faith and excited anticipation to watch God’s answer. There is indeed power in prayer, it is the power of a holy God.

Why Do We Pray – Help Needed

   We pray when we are in trouble, when we are happy, when we are sick – and also when we need help. “Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed.” I have been going to physical therapy for knee problems lately. What I didn’t know was that part of the problem was caused by weak muscles in my hip. Relying on my own resources, I could never fix the problem. Instead, the irritation of the joint continues, creating further problems, thus more irritation and more problems. It’s not a pretty picture.

   We pray when we need help. Here in James 5 we are instructed to confess to each other and pray for each other for healing. Confess? Umm….. could I just confess that I ate to many thin mint cookies yesterday and leave it at that? Confession is good for us and yet very difficult to do. Why? Because we are afraid of the consequences and the reaction. What will they say? What will they think of me? And what is that supposed to do anyway? Well, when I got help for my knee – I found someone who had different resources than I did. They helped me find different approaches to stairs and other difficulties. So, the person we confess too may be able to help us by providing new insight and resources. Also, it is a matter that can build accountability. If someone knows where we fall, then they can ask how we are doing in that area. If we know someone will ask, then we are more apt to look at the change of behavior we are striving for. It breaks the vicious self-reliance cycle.
   Those who are hearing that confession, they must be prepared to respond appropriately and pray with that person for healing. That means that we don’t get to play the shocked and spotless person who has never messed up. We must instead be real and honest ourselves as we pray with them for healing. We are not the one who can wash away that sin stain, but we do have an opportunity of helping to hold up that brother or sister.

Why Do We Pray – We Can’t Fix It

   I love the smell of a hardware store. The feel of wood and all of those really interesting tools that I don’t know how to use, such fun! As much as I enjoy a hardware store, I am not terribly adept at power tools. I am not the person to come to when something breaks. There are times when things more serious than an appliance or piece of furniture breaks. When a person breaks, be it directly related to sin or indirectly related to the condition of sin – I do not possess the capability to fix them. So, what to do?

   James 5 says, “And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven.” The prayer offered in faith, stepping out on belief and trust of the commitment God has toward His children, it is a powerfully moving action. It is not that the prayer is so powerful, but the act of trusting an omniscient, almighty Creator who is powerful is something which reinforces our reliance upon Him. To make the sick well. Well can mean different things, one is acceptable. When I read this, part of me wants it to say healthy, so that the sick will be healthy. But sickness truly is directly related to an action of sin, or indirectly related through the very presence of sin in our world. Therefore, it is unacceptable. But, this prayer in faith, to make the unacceptable acceptable, the un-forgiven forgiven, it is better than physical health. It is spiritual health, and more important.

Why do We Pray – We Aren’t Feeling So Swift

   Even a low grade fever can just knock me off my feet. Something about that temperature spike and I just feel so tired and achy. Low grade fever, that will come and go – it is the bodies way of fighting off infection. But, sickness is another example of when we pray. We pray when we are in trouble, when we are happy, and when we are sick. This prayer takes a form of physical action, in obedience, and stepping out on faith.

   Continuing in James 5, “Is anyone among you sick? Let them call the elders of the church to pray over them and anoint them with oil in the name of the Lord.” Well, the instructions seem pretty simple don’t they? We certainly just can accept it at face value – obey and pray. But, we can also look below the surface to better understand.
   If we are sick, we are instructed to call for the elders. These leaders are to pray for our healing, asking God in agreement for healing. Then, anoint with oil is mentioned. I love how God uses ordinary oil for an extraordinary concept. Oil was seen as something of health in the ancient world. This oil that is mentioned, it’s just oil. I could use it to cook with as well as be prayed over. God uses the everyday object, and lets us see Him work extraordinary miracles and be associated with His blessing.
   I think of how we might also act as oil for God. We can be ordinary objects which may pour out love on another, like an oil, and God can use this to create marvelous effects.

Why do we pray - We’re doing the happy dance

   Yesterday, I started tackling this great question, “Why do we pray?” I say it’s a great question because I believe that God is big enough for all of our questions and enjoys watching us grow. So, I’m working through the big ideas in the few lines of James 5. For today, it’s “Is anyone happy? Let them sing songs of praise.”

   Now, I’m a singer and anyone who has been with me for any great length of time will hear me at random places (public and private) hum, sing softly, or even sing loudly. I can sing by ear or note, in choirs, groups, or solos. Microphone in hand and feet on the stage or barefoot in the living room or the pasture – singing is a form of prayer for me. It is a way for me to communicate with (speaking, listening, receiving, responding) to God.
   I have a beautiful little chocolate lab who had surgery earlier this week. When she is back up on all fours, she will be doing her happy puppy dance once again. When she is happy, you can’t help but know it. There is a dance in her step, a prance in her walk, and a happy tail waggle. In her own way, she is singing a song of praise.
   Praise is just a much part of prayer as petition. So, when we are in trouble we pray. When things are going well and we are happy – we praise. For many of us, that takes care of two major mood groups right there. But, it does beg the question – why praise? Have you taken a good look at the news out there? I have a couple of thoughts. One is that it’s infectious. It really is! When someone around you is happy and sharing that joy, others perk up as well. I think that we are meant to help share that happiness with others around us. But, maybe it helps perk God up to. In the sense that it makes Him happy to hear us realize the gifts in our own designed (albeit limited) ways. Another is that the good seems to be weighed down by the bad these days. The news can be hard to take. Praise reminds us that God really is sovereign and in charge – in the good and the trouble.
   Give it a try today, burst out in song. Maybe someone will even sing along!

Posture of Prayer

   Kneel, prostrated, standing, sitting, and the list of postures goes on. Prayer, the act of talking to and listening to God, can be seen to require a formal posture. As if I am some sort of radio antenna that must achieve the perfect stance before the God signal can go to him and back to me. Well, though I am the first to admit that there are times that I have been on my face before God and examining the carpet threads quite closely, and other times when my knees have had the imprint of the floor boards on them, more often it is during the normal postures of the day. It is a pause as I turn on my computer at work, that God will bless my efforts that day. Walking in the store, sitting on the couch, lying in the bed, during a meeting, during a walk, or mid-conversation.
   How grateful I am that I am not required to have a specific posture for God to hear me or for me to hear God! I mean, it’s not that I couldn’t stop and kneel in the aisle at my local grocery store, but it could certainly slow down the process. Instead, it’s the posture of my heart, mind, and spirit that is important. My heart must be open, seeking the answerer of questions and needs. It is important that my mind be something which is both utilizing the gifts that God has given me and also relies on Him to fill in the blanks (of which there are many). It is the posture of my spirit, that it be prone and vulnerable even when in the middle of a meeting or driving in the car. The posture of prayer is important, but it’s perhaps not the initial thought of physical posture that is important.

Sweet Hour of Prayer

When I was in high school, I lived in Florida and was part of a small church there. It was a humble sanctuary, nothing terribly ornate, but it was clean and nice. Our pianist played Sweet Hour of Prayer many times during congregational prayer. It wasn’t distracting, but instead was softly played on the higher octaves keys and complimented the pastor’s voice as he led the congregation in prayer.

Yesterday I sat in church and listened to the same song played on a piano in the higher octaves. It is a different church, a different pianist, even a different arrangement of the song. But, the moment I heard it, I was taken back to the Florida church. Then, it struck me that they were worshipping the same time we were, being on central time. Maybe they were even singing Sweet Hour of Prayer right at that moment.
What a wonderful thing it is when we realize that the worship of God is occurring around the world. Not just in a wave of Sunday services across time zones, but in moments of praise and worship as we delight in the God who delights in his creation. The hour of prayer, the time we spend praying, is sweet. Especially when we are in the midst of that time with others.

Revealed

God amazes me, because he reveals things to me from time to time. It’s not that I always want to hear it, but the timing is so perfect.

My car has been having some problems, apparently the solenoid cylinder has a problem and needs replaced. Not being mechanically minded, please don’t ask what this very mechanical sounding thing. I just know that the car doesn’t run correctly if it isn’t fixed. They very graciously loaned me a loner car. Sitting down in the car, I had a twinge of a groan. Okay, a full blown groan.
The loner, tattered and smelling kind of stale, ran. Yes, a spot of grumbling was shown up in me.
The next day, after febreezing the car thoroughly, the pup and I headed to her check-up at the vet. Driving back, it was a great time spent in prayer.
God, I’m sorry about the groaning. You have provided for me, and even though it wasn’t what I was looking for, you provided. Here I am groaning and you provided!
I continue to try and change out my grumbling for gratitude, recognizing God’s provision. Though it’s not always easy, it is a conscious effort and means that I am open to what God reveals to me.

One Thing to Say on the Stage

The concert is going on, and the lead singer comes out father on the stage…. “I’ve just got one thing to say.” And generally there is some inane statement that comes out after that. What if you had a moment on stage, something to announce to thousands of people at one time, what would you say?
Standing on the stage, what would you talk about, share? If you could leave one thought or impression with these people, what would it be? With some people, you may only have a moment of interaction, one moment on the stage in life. What will you say, will you impact that life?

Thank you
                                                                             God loves you
                               Good morning
                                                                                                                                      How are you
                                                                                                              Can I help
                Will you help
                                                                    This is beautiful
                                                                                                                    You are amazing
Grace
                                                 Peace
                                                                                                   Hope
                                Joy
                                                                                                                                     Love
Can I pray for you
                                                                   Will you pray for me
                                        Believe

SHHHHH!!!!

I have never been someone who craves quiet. In fact, I really do not study well at libraries, the quiet just leads me to get distracted and then there are the books – way too much distraction! About 6 months ago, I attended my Great Banquet, Peoria Women’s Great Banquet #14. It was a wonderful experience and one that I continue to cherish and learn from.

One of the most profound things for me was that I finally learned to seek out and enjoy the quiet and solitude of moments, moments that are all too rare. It was in this experience of listening to God, learning to be quiet, that I found how much I enjoyed the time to slow down.
So, this weekend while my mother was at her Great Banquet, I was at a nearby state park. With no obligations, waiting chores, to do’s, or places to be, I found myself sitting on a tree bent over a pond and listening to the buffalo. I love how they sound, their snorting and grunts, their breathing and sighing. I must have sat at that spot for twenty minutes, taking a few occasional pictures, but mainly just listening and watching.

There is so much to do in this life, so many wonderful things to see. With so much to say, partake in, and get done, it can be very easy to put off the quiet times. Oh, I’ll get to that later and one thought pushing another out of my brain and poof – it’s gone.

I wonder how much I really miss of what God is trying to tell me just because of my inability to be quiet, to sometimes just slow down and be. I know I need sleep for energy, need food for fuel, need exercise for strength, but my time with God – that is my solace and energy, fuel, and strength! I will seek out other times in the future when I can just go and be quiet, listening to the same creator who made those beautiful buffalo.

Take Me Back to the Black Hills

There is a little town in South Dakota, with one main street though town. A great little coffee shop slash steak place sits on one corner and a grocery store on the other. Up the road is a state park with buffalo herds, some beautiful lakes, and many antelope.

Sometimes my schedule gets busy, as it does with all of us, and I start wishing for a cabin out there in that park. With a good cup of coffee in the morning, a dollop of creamer, in a travel mug in one hand and my camera in the other. Waiting till the sun comes up, enjoying the sunshine, and the mist of the morning starts rising among the Needles Highway. Perched on a look out or a shelter bench, I want to just sit and sip my coffee, listening to the morning. Then, later in the day as the sun approaches the mid-point and the heat rises, I could head to Sylvan Lake and walk on the shore. Smelling pine, enjoying the feel of rock and moss as I climb over them to rejoin the trail, covered in pine needles. Buffalo appear from the groves of tree and move through in herds. Slowly, they appear to plod along and move with an ungainly gate, until they run. Then, their bulk is revealed to be powerful strength. Sometimes I want to watch, observe, sit in the quiet and soak in the stillness of removing the extra distractions around me.

In the quiet, when I can be still long enough to give all the cogs in my head to slow down, that is when I find myself feeling that I can really hear from God. It’s not that God isn’t speaking or isn’t present the other times, it’s just that my distractions make it hard to hear. It’s kind of like trying to carry on a very quiet conversation at a rock concert – it just doesn’t work. So, when my life gets busy or when it starts feeling like I need to get away, I dream of the park outside of that town in South Dakota.

Splinter

About a week ago, I felt the need to pray once again, Lord change me. It’s a prayer that focuses like a laser beam on my own heart and life. Finishing up reading in Isaiah, finishing up a book about God answering prayer, I was hearing repent and restoration over and over. What was it in me, in my life that I needed to address?

Ever seen a child with a splinter in their finger? They will quite often take off across the room, yard, house, to avoid having the splinter removed. It will hurt to have it removed, the pain from it being infected will be worse. I think that admitting sin and then asking for forgiveness can be kind of like that splinter. At least it was for me this week. Mulling this over, wrestling with it, asking and seeking after God, I asked Him to change me and grow me. What I found was that I needed to first ask for forgiveness of God, where I was holding a splinter of sin and trying to just ignore it. The word malice came up. Malice? That has such a Hollywood dark flavor to it. Malice – as in wickedness and spite? Surely not!  Pride? I thought I had addressed this hurt long before. Still, a splinter remained and I needed to let God remove it. Once that was done, then that left a hole.
What now God? Amazingly enough, the book I had already been reading and the verses I had been leading up to led me to this very time. God’s timing is so perfect. The hole that is left when we ask for the sin to be removed, when we repent , can also be filled by God! He will not leave us with an open wound that just anything can go and get stuck in. I was amazed at the peace and relinquishment I have had.

By preparing me for this week, by insisting that I read these things, I have found that splinter removed. Restoration to God by God, starting with God urging me to get better – what an amazing God we serve!

Acts 3: 19-20 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus."

Lord Change Me

I prayed a simple prayer, well simple in syntax anyway, just three words over several months last year.

“Lord, change me.”

It wasn’t something lengthy or lofty discussion on a difficult theological point. Yet, it had complexity and structural layers which staggered my understanding. Lord, change me was brought to my attention through a book by Evelyn Christenson. She challenged the readers to pray this prayer.

Not …“God, please change my neighbor because they drive me crazy and put their leaves in my yard.”
Not … “God, please change those leaders because they have all lost their minds.”
Not … “God, please change my family.”
Not … “God, please change that difficult co-worker.”

But, “Lord, change me.” Please oh please, change me. I prayed this and wasn’t really quite prepared for what sequence of events occurred. I look back now and I can see events falling into place, one after another, which at the times were so difficult, even intimidating. They were not in vain though, they served a purpose and God was answering that prayer.
Then, with an lovely group of ladies, we started praying that God would bring it to our hearts and minds grumbling. I felt like all my grumbling was ink that was coming out of my mouth, staining everything in somewhat close proximity. I was startled and dismayed at the amount of grumbling I was now aware of. It seemed that I just needed a mop wherever I went. This is something I am still working on, though the initial tidal flood of inky perception has slowed somewhat.
Just recently, I felt the need to progress further in the Lord change me prayer. I’m not sure where this will lead, but I’m excited to find out.

Moonlight, Prayers, and Pillows

I am normally a very sound sleeper. Night comes, it gets dark, my eyes grow heavy, and quite often I have no difficulty in curling up with my pillows and blankets to find a soft and sweet sleep.


There are times though, when I am woken up. Not by the owl singing love songs to his feathered mate on the next hill, or the dog who occasionally howls in her sleep. But, woken for a purpose. It is something like a knocking at my heart, faint and gentle at times, stridently piercing at other times. It is a knocking like a hammer that knows exactly which part to strike. I wake up from my sleep and know that there is a need.

Sometimes it is a prayer need for a family member or friend. I try to focus my fuzzy sleepy brain around that as the moonlight comes into the room and coats everything. At other times, it is a sense of urgency to pray, but without a specific topic. But these times, though they interrupt my rest, are very special to me. My thoughts slowed down by the quiet, they are often more centered on the topic at hand. This may be something I have prayed about all day, and yet, somehow in the dark of the night, it is clearer than by the sunlight. I am less distracted, less liable to wander off my topic.

I wonder if you are ever woken up in the night by more than the crooning owl or the howling dog. Do you have someone knock on your heart at times?