In Remembrance to Bring Healing

Decoration Day, the forerunner of Memorial Day, started just a few short years after the finish of the Civil War. In a time when our country was bloodied and bruised from collective wounds, families of many and few across the nation needed profound healing. Just as the arrival of spring days brought new flowers, new growth and life after winter’s silent garden, time was starting to bring healing to wounds.

There was a need to start to repair the fractures of the country, to comfort the mourners and remember together the brother soldiers on both sides of the war. Coming together in what is now Arlington Cemetery, this “silent assembly of the dead” - of Union and Confederate soldiers alike, were recognized for their sacrifice by the decorating of the graves.

I remember Memorial Days fondly on road trips with my mom; leaving home, heading to Ohio and then into the hills of Kentucky. If we got into Kentucky late enough, I knew that we would see a thousand fireflies dancing down the hillsides. Driving on (really fun) twisty, turny roads we would arrive at the family cemeteries. Walking sticks, trash bags, song books and new flowers for decorating graves in hand – we would head up the hill to where the moss is inches thick and cushions our footfalls. Graves are cleaned from old flowers, and newly decorated. Stories are shared. Someone opens a songbook and starts us up. Soon notes to tunes like Sweet Bye and Bye and Amazing Grace are drifting among the trees, slowly flowing down the hills to the bottom. They mingle with bird song, crickets, and the ever present buzz of bees. Laughter and tears mingle as we remember those we have loved.

Yesterday, I had the honor of witnessing a service to commemorate veterans of foreign wars. In that cemetery, flag filled and flower draped, taps was heard. As I walked through the cemetery and saw headstones reflecting many veterans of service, I wished I could thank them for their sacrifice. But, they are gone and my words wouldn’t carry to them. Instead, I started to think about helping our nations’ own fractures from war. I hoped that the sincere gratitude of those present would be a balm through the pain of remembering. Just as the act of recognizing the loss of Union and Confederate soldiers was a start for healing for the survivors, I hope the acts and words of thank you are even a small source of comfort for our own living veterans and their families.

Thank you. 

Unsettled

It is not the first time Boston has been left feeling unsettled, in the midst of tension of protecting one’s family and self from harm as well as a sense of defiance against fear.  Historic Boston is known for a population that standing firmly with strength for what they believe is right.  Again, Boston is standing once again, standing for the law enforcement community and standing against fear.

I am a lover of history, and when I think of Boston that is so rich in history, Abigail Adams is one of the first that come to my mind.  She wrote letters to her husband, John Adams, and shared with him the experiences that they were going through at the time.  She writes of her “heart bursting, and the need to vent with her pen.”  Their beloved home was in the center of a conflict.

Abigail wrote of standing on a bluff and watching the conflict below as it occurred.   That is a little how I feel watching the news this morning.  Not in the immediate conflict, but as an observer who cannot control where the pieces are falling.  Prayers go out for the police officer, the victims, and the families and friends who will grieve the loss for the rest of their lives.  For though I cannot control how this will play-out, I can pray that God will not only end this without further bloodshed and that the healer will start the healing process. 

Heal Boston, mend, and continue to stand strong.  You are not standing alone.  

Hold My Paw

About ten years ago, I had a beautiful little chocolate lab puppy come and join my life. I watched her eyes turn from a smoky green to a beautiful golden brown. She grew and has been the closest of my furry companions for years now. In this last big snow, Megan’s ACL tendon went pop and so we found ourselves at the vet yesterday for surgery. Surgery happened, Megan is home recovering.



I know that there are plenty of people out there would not understand, but I just couldn’t breathe easy until I heard that the surgery went okay. Then, when they did call, there was nowhere I wanted to be but at the vets. These wild furry creatures, they share my home, make me laugh, and have such personalities and intelligence it’s astounding. Megan will be taken care of as she heals. I’ll be holding her paw as much as I can.

I Remember

   I remember that day. I remember watching two planes crash into buildings. It seemed like some terribly Orson Welles joke that had gone catastrophically wrong. I remember thanking God the towers had not fallen immediately, as it gave the chance for many to escape. I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when they did fall. The skies that I so love had suddenly become a holder of enemies. The dust, dirt, blood, tears, sweat, earth, plaster, debris, and fear that flooded the country flooded my home too. I sat on the couch in shock. I sat on the bed in shock. I wanted a hug from my mother; I wanted to hear my father’s voice. I remember the feeling of horror in knowing there were other flights, and we were waiting. Waiting for an attack, waiting for something. I remember the fear that spread of further attacks, military weapons, and biological weapons.

   I remember the determination of everyday, ordinary people, making a stand where they were. I remember watching people run toward the sites where there were horrors to terrible to describe. I remember civilian hands becoming field medics for the minor needs. I remember seeing those who have walked in different office floors, ridden in elevators without talking; now holding each other up. I remember the compassion, the surge of pride in our fire fighters, paramedics, and police officers. I remember the vigils held, the candles lit, and the prayers prayed. I remember the silence of the sky as flights were grounded. Songs were sung, neighbors gathered, monuments were planned.
   It has been nine years. It has been nine years and a few days since that day, that terrible infamous, tragic, and horrid day. It has been nine years and a few days since that inspiring, determined, angry day. Now, the discussion is more about this political venture, that conflict. I don’t want to get into politics on here, so I will skip that issue and say instead. I remember our unity in our hurt. Now, we must find our humanity in our healing.

Unfamiliar Truth

   Words rattle around in the mind like pebbles that have been scattered over a stone floor. Plunk, plunk, plunk. Then, that floor has to be walked on. Ouch, feet hurt from standing on the stones. Over time, the feet become calloused and we forget to even pay attention to the stones that originally called pain. Words and stones, they can both bruise and build, especially unnoticed lies and unfamiliar truths.

   Unnoticed lies occur to each of us. These are the sneaky and subtle lies that are inflicted on each of us from time to time. They are the lies of failure, discouragement, loneliness, and the absence of God. The little words that are whispered in our ears that say, “No one else has ever felt this way. Nobody else has problems with this. Stupid, failure, weak.” The words separate us from each other and from God. It is not that we are perfect, but that this is not the answer to improvement. Instead, these words are like the stones on the floor. We find ourselves feet bruised with deep stone bruises. Overtime, our feet become calloused. The bruises fade as the skin grows thick protection over the tender nerves.
   When the truth is pointed out, it is unfamiliar and feels strange. You are not alone; you are not the only one who has ever struggled. We all have weaknesses, failures, areas where we are not strong. There are consequences, but there are also opportunities. God loves you before you are perfect, before you have everything figured out. Instead of pushing you away, he pulls you in and washes your feet. The calluses are gradually removed. The stones now cause pain and we are reminded that they are lies. We push them away and find that the ground beneath is smooth and cool on our feet.

How is that Learned

A conversation sprang up last week about prejudice. The question that was raised is how to we learn to be anti-someone or something. I had two thoughts spring to mind. One is an adage that was well written and then merged with a musical score, “You’ve got to be taught to be afraid, of people whose eyes are oddly made, and people whose skin is a different shade. You’ve got be carefully taught.” So, definitely prejudice can be nurtured and fed, as can equality and humility of self.

Another is Harper Lee’s writing and the character of Dolphus Raymond. Dolphus tells Dill, a little boy in the book, that he is getting sick due to the injustice around him. But, that he would outgrow it in time, and eventually would be fortunate if it just made him squirm.
So which is it, are we taught by people or are we taught by life and the calluses which develop due to the bumping around life gives us? Maybe it’s both and more. We definitely can learn prejudice on a wide variety of topics from the family we are surrounded by. And, life can most definitely create enough bumps and bruises that we shy away from pushing the status quo just to avoid getting one more life laceration.
If prejudice exists (and it does), and we can be affected by (which we are), how do we overcome this? We cannot relegate others to secaond class citizenship because they are different. We may want to, and we may point out the dissimilarities. But, the distinctions and differentiations belong to us, not to God.
“We’ve got to be taught, before it’s too late, before we are six or seven or eight. To hate all the people our relatives hate….” Take a stand, take a look. Be prejudiced against prejudice.

High Winds and Rainbows

Recently a friend reposted something on her blog (which I highly recommend because she writes as if she is the best friend and neighbor you never had and really wanted), but she inspired me to write about something in my life.

We have had quite a few storms here lately, torrential downpours where the streets gain a layer of silt filled dirt flowing down them in small torrents of water. Lightning has pierced clouds and trees, lightening up the night brilliantly with sharp crackles of light. Then, thunder that has rolled follows. There go the tornado sirens again. I’m to the point where I’m just keeping some things in the basement in preparedness so I don’t have to gather them each time. One afternoon this week, after the storm clouds had passed and it was starting to lighten back up, a friend called on her way home from work.

“Did you see it?”

“See what?”
“The rainbow!”

I stepped outside and saw the sky filled with a beautiful rainbow. What a wonderful promise God gives us in a rainbow. Noah was given that sign as a reminder, something like a great big visual sign post that says stop and pay attention. The rainbow was God’s personal promise never to flood the earth like he did in the great flood.
As for me, I have never been a huge fan of storms. I don’t like the unsettled feeling I have with them, not knowing which was the storm will turn or what will come of it. But, the rainbows that sometimes come after are a poignant reminder to me of God’s promise. Not only to Noah, but how he used a rainbow as a sign to me that he was there, present in a stormy time.

I stood at the door of a dorm at the University of Southern Mississippi. I had been there for a week and it was one of the worst weeks of my life. I had never had panic attacks before, but I did there. I won’t go into the long story of it all, but needless to say, I had had an exhausting and anxiety filled week. I was there just for a week for drum camp before the start of school. This was the college I had chosen to go to. Upon arrival, I could feel panic wash over me. I’m not sure why it started then, but it did. A trip to the campus nurse made it worse as I was given something for motion sickness which made me – that’s right – sick. A few animal crackers and cans of Coke were all I had that week, and then a can of chicken broth which tasted wonderful at the time. I remember laying in the bed, feeling very weak and exhausted and crying. In between the crying, I would try to read my Bible, I was seeking for solace where I knew I could find it. On the last full day there before I headed to meet my family in transit to their new home in Ohio, there was a storm. As I said, I’ve never been a fan of storms, but I was so numb by this point, I didn’t care much. It was after that storm, when the dark blue sky stopped throwing rain and thunder and lightning at us, that I looked out. A rainbow! A beautiful, bright rainbow! That storm had passed, but I felt like it had stormed just for me so that I could see the rainbow. It was a reminder to me of God’s promise. I may feel that I’m drowning, but I’ll be safe from the flood.

That was years ago. Many days and storms have passed since then. But, each rainbow I see holds a special meaning for me.

Healing

I noticed a few days ago, that I am healing. I had a bad leg injury several months ago, which left me couch bound and hobbling for quite some time. What happened? Well….

September of last year, I was in Ottawa and fell on a cobblestone sidewalk. Falling, and finding myself having a much closer view of the concrete than I had wished for, I pushed myself back up and found a low wall to sit on. Breathe in, breathe out, that is all I concentrated on for a few minutes. Finally, I steeled myself to look at the ankle which was apparently confusing itself with a golf ball holder. I made it back to Iowa wearing a borrowed ankle boot protector thing.
Physical therapy, a different boot, and very flat shoes followed. But, just this last week after walking about five miles, I was sore the next few days. I could feel the muscles complaining. Complaining, but not injured, a little sore but not debilitated. It was a realization which hit me again, my leg is healing!
From pain that took my breath away and led the world to dim before my eyes to a small complaint, it didn’t occur overnight but it did occur. Healing from bad sprains (I won’t go into the more gross injury parts), healing from emotional hurts, from hopes that have been dashed or plans that have been crashed, healing does occur. It is not quick, not overnight, but gradually one day – you realize that you just walked five miles and feel great!

Splinter

About a week ago, I felt the need to pray once again, Lord change me. It’s a prayer that focuses like a laser beam on my own heart and life. Finishing up reading in Isaiah, finishing up a book about God answering prayer, I was hearing repent and restoration over and over. What was it in me, in my life that I needed to address?

Ever seen a child with a splinter in their finger? They will quite often take off across the room, yard, house, to avoid having the splinter removed. It will hurt to have it removed, the pain from it being infected will be worse. I think that admitting sin and then asking for forgiveness can be kind of like that splinter. At least it was for me this week. Mulling this over, wrestling with it, asking and seeking after God, I asked Him to change me and grow me. What I found was that I needed to first ask for forgiveness of God, where I was holding a splinter of sin and trying to just ignore it. The word malice came up. Malice? That has such a Hollywood dark flavor to it. Malice – as in wickedness and spite? Surely not!  Pride? I thought I had addressed this hurt long before. Still, a splinter remained and I needed to let God remove it. Once that was done, then that left a hole.
What now God? Amazingly enough, the book I had already been reading and the verses I had been leading up to led me to this very time. God’s timing is so perfect. The hole that is left when we ask for the sin to be removed, when we repent , can also be filled by God! He will not leave us with an open wound that just anything can go and get stuck in. I was amazed at the peace and relinquishment I have had.

By preparing me for this week, by insisting that I read these things, I have found that splinter removed. Restoration to God by God, starting with God urging me to get better – what an amazing God we serve!

Acts 3: 19-20 "Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out, that times of refreshing may come from the Lord, and that he may send the Christ, who has been appointed for you—even Jesus."

Road Maps

I love a good map.  Pulling open the paper, I can see the path the road will take.  Then, I can plan which way to head, if I need to diverge this way or that, or what alternatives I have.

It would be nice sometimes to have a map like that for life.  Tracing along the path, I could see joys, detour the sorrows, and avoid the hurts.  Honestly, that is what I would do if I could see that map.  I would avoid the hurts.  But, God puts the hurts in front of me at times, at other times He allows them to come into my path.  “It is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

The Lord’s purpose, the Lord’s plan is something that is a mystery to us.  We don’t have a map that shows what is coming next.  “Many are the plans in a man’s heart.”  But we don’t steer a straight course, we don’t go the way we should, and at times we get lost.  “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.”

We can take comfort in that, that the Lord’s purpose prevails.

~Proverbs 19:21

A Vaccination Against Grumbling

My disclaimer today – this post is rather long. 

Stories in Exodus are wonderful to read.  We can recognize ourselves in the Hebrews as they are stuck in a place they don’t want to be, are delivered, and then find out that the green grass that they thought wasn’t quite the green grass that is.  Then, they grumbled.  Oh and there comes some real recognition of those ancient Hebrews in ourselves as well. 

Do you know the grumbles?

                I just want out of Egypt and then I’ll be happy…  I just want out of this job, city, state, marriage, life, friendship, debt, burden, and or task and then I’ll be happy.

                Well, thanks for getting us out of Egypt God, but this isn’t quite how I imagined it looking… Thanks for saving me, but come on – have you even seen what this place looks like?  Why am I here?  Did you get lost?  I told you after that last turn we should have stopped for directions.

                Thanks for the manna God, but I’m kind of sick of the taste.  Can I get something new?  A Quarter Pounder with Cheese and French Fries would be nice…  Thanks for providing for my needs, in THAT way – but I really wanted you to do this in THIS way.  Uhm, can you do this a little differently?

Well, you get the point.  The Ancient Hebrews really weren’t so different than we are today, at least me. 

Is there really any danger in that grumbling though?  Isn’t it okay to just “vent” to each other, at each other from time to time? 

Think of a wall of stone in front of you.  I think grumbling is like a moss that grows over and with achingly slow patience grows into the stone.  Then, when it is removed, small pieces of the stone are torn away.  This leaves the rock itself more vulnerable to the weather outside, making it wear down and wear away faster.  The moss can seem harmless sitting there.  I mean, it’s just sitting there right?  Wrong!  Slowly, instead the roots sink in and slowly displace the broken stone. 

Those Hebrews, they also had to learn this.  Psalms 106 basically paraphrases the story.  Starting with praise, the author of the psalm starts with a reminder that the Lord is good and his love endures forever.  It’s one of those moments when it is nice to know the end of the story before it is over.  Things are going to get a little dicey here, but we can claim that promise. 

Then, there is an encouragement, a reminder that the Lord’s praise cannot be “fully declared.”  If I do nothing but stand someplace and praise God, it would not come close to completely describing him.  That is a good reminder to do right, even when it is tiring – especially when it is tiring.  “Blessed are those who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.”  Well, if grumbling is wrong, that pretty rules that out doesn’t it?  But, the psalm doesn’t stop there – it continues.

Next, there is a request – “remember me Lord.”  Remember me Lord, I’m stuck or unhappy or stressed or depressed or fearful or angry or numb.  Remember me Lord, I’m not sure where to go or I don’t want to go where I am supposed to or I’m going to have to leave where I want to be.  Remember me, what a beautiful impassioned plea.  Remember me so that you can save me.  In other words, I can’t save myself and need your help – please don’t forget me.  Again, an encouraging reminder comes, “sharing in prosperity, sharing in joy, joining the inheritance of giving praise.”  What a beautiful encouragement. 

Then, the story really begins in earnest, as truth comes out, acknowledging the wrongness of the sin that has been committed.  There is not an attempt to disguise it, to white wash it, but instead it is strongly and clearly acknowledged, and understood that it is nothing new.  “When our fathers were in Egypt, they gave no thought to your miracles; they did not remember your many kindnesses, and they rebelled by the sea, the Red Sea.”

What do leaders normally do with those who rebel?  They are punished right?  Perhaps community service, jail time, for treason it may even be death.  Instead the response by God was, “Yet he saved them for his name’s sake, to make his mighty power known.  He rebuked the Red Sea, and it dried up; he led them through the depths as through a desert.  He saved them from the hand of the foe; from the hand of the enemy he redeemed them.  The waters covered their adversaries; not one of them survived.”  Wait a minute, the people rebel and God’s response was to save them?  I’m thinking that he doesn’t really think at all like people.  God understood that there was more than just rebellion.  There was fear, hope, and God’s purpose.

The response of the people was at first to “believe his promises and sing his praise.”  Then, slowly that moss crept in and the grumbling started.  “They soon forgot what he had done, and did not wait for his counsel.  In the desert they gave in to their craving; in the wasteland they put God to the test.”  Gee, thanks God for helping us out and you are great and everything, but our feet hurt and we want some other food and a hotel would be nice.  This tent is starting to get kind of old.

What should God have done then?  Does he spring up a four star hotel in the desert.  He could, but should he?  Is it what his people need?  God “gave them what they asked for, but sent a wasting disease upon them.”  Perhaps God knew that unless the people’s hearts were knocked down again that they wouldn’t turn to Him for help.  Let’s see what the next thing is that happens.  “In the camp they grew envious of Moses and of Aaron, who was consecrated to the Lord.  The earth opened up and swallowed Dathan; it buried the company of Abiram.  Fire blazed among their followers; a flame consumed the wicked.  At Horeb they made a calf and worshipped a idol cast from metal.  They exchanged their Glory for an image of a bull, which eats grass.”  First there was jealousy and then anger.  It sounds like a few of the impromptu leaders and their followers were also made examples of.  Compounding the mossy growth of grumbling on top of envy, rebellion, and then idolatry.  Wow – what a difference the removing of the outer strength of the rock made in these people’s lives.  The roots that had so quietly made their way in, then led to something deeper, stronger, and darker.

“They forgot” the Bible goes on to say.  “They forgot the God who saved them, who had done great things in Egypt, miracles in the land of Ham and awesome deeds by the Red Sea.”  They forgot.  I don’t personally think that means that they forgot as in can’t remember.  But, they forgot, as in forgot their focus. 

God responded.  He said in his justice that “he would destroy them.”  This was justice by the way, not revenge or a temper tantrum.  God is still good.  But, Moses went before God and pled for the people. Finally, the promised land is near.  The journey is almost over!  Yet, the people “despised the pleasant land; they did not believe his promise.  They grumbled in their tents and did not obey the Lord.”  That grumbling was the beginning of a long laundry list of resulting consequences ranging from plagues, scattered people, sacrifice of sons and daughters to demons, the shedding of innocent blood, defiling of themselves, and oppression.

Now, comes the final part.  “Many times he delivered them.”  The Lord did not just let his people go through all of this following their disobedience.  Instead, he “took note of their distress when he heard their cry.”  The response was to “Save us, O Lord our God, and gather us from the nations, that we may give thanks to your holy name and glory in your praise.  Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel from everlasting to everlasting.” The people would return to God in their distress and he would hear them and care for them, again and again.

A vaccination is a fairly modern medical marvel.  Using bits of a strain of an illness, we let our body produce anti-bodies that will protect us later if faced with the live virus.  I think that the story of the Ancient Hebrews is a bit like that.  We are vaccinated through the stories and lessons of these people, teaching us that we must guard our hearts and tongues.  We must not “grumble in our tents.”  It is a dangerous thing, which leads to other dangerous things. 

I’m not saying that this is an easy thing for me.  Sometimes, I’m so frustrated with someone or something that I feel the need to pour it out to someone else.  Yet, who should I pour this out to?  A friend or my God?  I must be careful not to lose sight of the answers and blessings I have been provided.  When work becomes stressful, I must not forget that it was an answer to prayer.  When a relationship becomes hard, I must not forget that this as well was an answer to prayer.

Instead, my prayer is that I will be able to keep the mindset that this psalm ends on.  “Let all the people say, ‘Amen!’ Praise the Lord.