Being Still When the Lights Go Out

It was a dark and stormy night when the lightning flashed, the thunder clapped, and the lights flickered twice before fading into a vacuum of darkness…

Okay, that didn’t actually happen.  It is cloudy, and the evening is late and becoming dim.  But the night has not really settled in yet, and there were no dramatic moments – the lights went out in the blink of an eye.  The why and how long of the power outage is still to be determined; in the meanwhile sitting in a quiet and darkening house surrounded by wonderful smelling candles and sleeping dogs is not a terrible interruption to the constantly connected electrical world we live in.  This gives me a chance to put pen to paper, sit in the glow of a pine candle (my favorite scent), and write on what paper I could find using my phone as a flash light.  The paper could be gray or maybe lavender, it’s hard to tell with the low light fading the colors out.  But, in the midst of this outage, I think it would be an ideal time to be still. 

When I have an opportunity to be still, I realize afresh how I crave this more than my routine indicates.  After coming back from a time that involved stillness, I find myself wanting this more frequently.  In the presence of everyday life, my sense of mental equilibrium can apparently settle into something not entirely good because stillness tends to leave me falling into an exhausted sleep.  When I do get a period of quiet, enforced by a power outage though it may be, it can draw attention to the need to be still and regain balance.

“Be still and know that I am God” you say.  Be still.  Still. Still.  Still moving.  Still squirming.  Still yacking about irrelevant things.  Still having conversations in my head.  Still not focused.  Still not listening.  Still not having a mental slow down.  Still trying.  Still straining to listen.  Still settling.  Still need to add that last item to my list.  Still, be still. That is generally when the phone rings, the e-mail arrives, the dog barks, the calendared event starts, or I just fall asleep.  Be still I say to myself!  You are supposed to be still and know.  Can’t I know that God is God while moving about?  This still thing is awfully difficult.  I tend toward curiosity and I wonder why be still?  Why not be quiet and know or be noisy and know – I could probably accomplish that a lot better than being still. 

The lights just came back on.  My thanks to the power crew that is working tonight.  I do like our electrical conveniences.  In the growing darkness though, I did have a moment when stillness started.  After one of the moments the dogs of insisted we go out, I tried to be still.  When I’m still, I don’t hear myself moving about.  I hear the patter of a gentle rain starting to fall.  I hear night sounds as frogs and crickets perform virtuoso lullabies.  I smell the awakening smell of spring warmed earth, new leaves, and the beginnings of spring blooms.  Be still and know. 

Be still is not the easiest thing for me, but I can understand why I need to be still.  I need to hear God and readjust my direction to move forward.  My direction right now is to be still a little more often – it’s like a vacation for the soul.  

Ecclesiastes Considerations

   About a year ago, I was going through a rough time and a friend passed along a verse to me. It has since made it onto a yellow post it note, scribbled with some green marker ink, and has a home tucked partially behind my computer monitor on my desk. Somewhere over the last year, the post-it-note got wet, so a few of the words are a bit smeared. But I can still make out the words of Ecclesiastes 7:14. “When times are good, be happy; but when times are bad, consider: God has made the one as well as the other. Therefore, a man cannot discover anything about his future.” It has been a comfort when things are difficult to remember that God makes what I think of as good and bad times.
   So, without diving into waxing philosophical about why God would make good and bad times or not want us to discover about our future, I take comfort in knowing that God’s hand is in the total plan and the minute details.

Grass in the Sidewalk

I was walking up the hill to the car and it struck me that the grasses growing in the cracks of the sidewalk had withered to a very dead shade of plant burned brown. Just a few weeks ago, these plants were bright green and growing quite well. Yes, I know that sidewalks shouldn’t have grasses growing up in them without breaking the concrete eventually. I just remember noticing them because they were such a bright green.

The thing that really struck me as I continued up the hill was that I can empathize with those plants. Though this is not where I am currently at, I realize that just like those plants in the sidewalk, too much heat and not enough water makes me wilt. I need inspiration, time, quiet, noise, music, friendship, laughter, and love. I recognize that just like eating properly requires decisions and effort, so does growth. You can’t just toss out a long term goal of growth or change without planning some steps and how you will continue to re-invigorate your purpose along the way. Otherwise, you wind up just like the grass in the sidewalk, leaves dropped to the pavement, brown, and dry.

A Table, a Ladder, a Staircase

Sitting in the quiet of exam room in the orthopedic doctor’s office yesterday, I entertained myself by reading through bits of the Reminisce magazine. I discovered once again that I don’t sit still well (a different discussion for a different time), and in the magazine - this really cool invention. It was a four slatted wood piece that joined together through a frame work on both sides. The four pieces could be pivoted to form a four level bookcase, a four step step-ladder, or a four board table. I actually paused over the pages, worn and creased from the many hands of the many patients who have looked through it over the last year.

But really - how cool is that? I mean, one minute you have a book case, holding this and that. Friends call and now you need an extra table. Time for a party! Take the things off, and start pivoting the bookcase into a table. But, that cake plate on that high shelf over there is just the thing to hold the super fudgy brownie bars that you plan for dessert, so it becomes a stair step ladder. Then, while the super fudgy brownie bars go in the oven, grab the great tablecloth and decorate the now extra table.

I was thinking how I have to be interchangeable like that in my life. Sometimes, I think I’m a table. People can put things onto me, sharing burdens, tasks, joys, excitement, anguish, and existence in general. A table is well suited to it’s task, holding items. And I can hold these things quite well most of the time, as long as the weight is fairly balanced. Do you remember those old sets of Encyclopedias? Didn’t you love the smell of those, the weight of those thick books in your hands. Let’s say those encyclopedias are all piled at the end of the table and the represent the things shared by others. Without a counter weight at the other end, my table is going to tip! So, if I’m going to be a table, I need to make sure that I maintain a balanced load. I will need to make sure I take care of myself as well as helping and sharing others. That’s not always easy for me to do though. I like to help, to give, to share and at times I have a hard time saying that I’m going to focus on me. In the same thought, it can be reversed and sometimes I need to think of others more. It is a balance that must be striven for.

Sometimes, I think I’m like the stairs. I have the determined mindset in my life that I’m not content to just coast through. People will often talk about cups being half full or half empty, but my cup has been pressed down, shaken, smashed, packed full, crammed full with more swarming more in, and still overflowing. I’ve experienced many blessings, but they never would have happened if I stood forever on the first step. I had to climb to the next. Quite often, I think I must look like a child just learning how to climb stairs because I don’t always do that gracefully. In fact, I can be kind of klutzy. So, there are some scrapes from along the way. There are times when I think that I’m climbing away, can even get a good glimpse of that cake plate (so to speak) and it turns out to be much farther than I thought. But, still, it’s the decision to keep climbing that I’m finding so valuable. It is when I become stuck, numb, or static that I find my vision is skewed and I’ve lost sight of my goal. My vision needs to be focused.

I love books. I have books that are like old friends. I have read through the words on their pages many times, and the cover has softened with use. A few have accidentally been dunked in the bath tub, others have corners missing from puppy teething. But, on the bookcases that contain these printed lineages of thought, I think that sometimes I’m like that as well. The bookcases don’t read the information, they hold it. Sometimes, I hold information and keep it to myself. A large part of that would just be my normal private thoughts and conversations, internal and safely inside my own brain. Another part would be lessons learned. Lessons perhaps from the time of being a table or a step ladder, the action of change, or successes and failures along the way. I learn, observe, and keep it for when I need the information later. Bookcases can be so handy for keeping the important things handy. You may not need them every moment of every day, but it is good to know where to find them when you are ready.

The structure itself is very important to consider. To allow these boards movement and yet stability would require strength and equilibrium. When I need to change my focus, my shelf self into a table or step ladder, I need a strong focal point as well. One that is well cared for and flexible. It is what is at my core that I need to carefully examine and keep in excellent condition or my stairs will wobble, the table will be slanted, and the book shelf might start leaning.

I don’t know exactly what that manufacturer had in mind when developing a tri-functioning product. I wonder if the thought was ever had, beyond the mechanical duties and structure of these objects. Each function had to be understood before a solid construction could be created. Thankfully, I also have a creator who fully understands and enables me to carry out multiple functions.