Patterns of Thought

My head hits the pillow and before I fall asleep, my normal routine is a review of the day and any big events.  I often find myself thinking of things I need to do tomorrow, making a mental list.  Night is when thoughts can get stuck easier, playing over and over in my mind.  Morning is fresh and between the business of getting ready for work and the new day, my thoughts take a decidedly different pattern.  But, it is interesting how morning thoughts and night time thoughts are patterned differently.

Morning thoughts are decidedly more practical and task driven.  Take the dogs out, coffee in the cup, creamer too, get ready for work, and those are the thoughts that are pretty much lined up in my head.  After the coffee clears out the morning cobwebs, thoughts still tend to stay practical.  To do lists, notebooks to jot down things I need to remember to do, and calendars are the order of the day. 

But night time is another structure of thought all together.  As the day winds down, thoughts leave the calendar structure of the day and become more abstract.  It is this time when I find that in the quiet of bed time, my mind can still be whirring and need additional quiet to stop.  It may be a moment during the day, a note from a friend that made me smile.  Thoughts could take song from the sparrows singing in chorus in the bush behind the kitchen.  Memories of family moments, like Fourth of July picnics and Christmas celebrations, can bring a smile as I remember and drift off to sleep.  Dreams of future plans and hopes take shape in thought and reform themselves over and over. 

The do-over wishes sometime creep in; hurts or words that have cut will also make themselves known.  Like a fever that has disappeared during the day, to reassert itself at night, I try not to let those get stuck, though sometimes I am not so successful.  Worries can creep in, taking what should be a time to relax and before I know it I am squirming about, my shoulders tensed up to my chin and sleep makes itself scarce.  Go away little worry, stop poking at me, stop the replay of the words over that do not help!  I was thinking not so much of a specific instance last night, but how vulnerability to these kinds of things seems to increase at night.  

Patterns of thought, morning and night, the patterns change.  

Twelve Pages

   Every year, when I take down my calendar and put up the new one, I like to take a few minutes to peruse the last twelve pages of the calendar. I flip through January and see visits with sledding and snowman building. The visits with sweet friends in February leads up to the beginning of spring fever and March seed picking. April sees the beginning of the local garden centers being restocked, the smell of dirt starts to come back as the ground starts to thaw. May shows a trip back home to Ohio and Kentucky, with little smiley faces leading up to the date I needed to leave. Birthdays in May and then birthdays in June, days of cake and cards with plans to celebrate. July celebrations of patriotic independence and summer days, complete with sunshine and sun block. August leads to school starting, school supply sales and the feel of autumn as a hint to be. September finds me counting down anxiously for an October trip to Florida. November and Thanksgiving fly by as Christmas is coming. I love looking back at the year and as I see dates marked out on my calendar of events, lunch plans, trips, birthdays, doctor and dentist appointments, I remember many different moments of the year.

   It is only then that I am ready to really close out that calendar, say good bye to 2010 and welcome 2011.

I Want to Do It All – Just Not All At Once

   Terri Clark came out with a song several years ago, “I Want to do it All”. I can completely relate! While I think that a lot of the things are on her list sound like fun, my own list takes form. However, I cannot just take a few days off, get it all in and be done. I do want to do it all, just not all at once!

   I had to turn down something a week or so ago, which sounded fun. But, I knew that my calendar was full and it just wouldn’t fit. So, I decided that it would have to go on the not all at once part of the list. That makes me feel better, knowing I don’t have to do it all at once.
   But, what to put on my list? Well, Paris in the fall does sound like fun. I’m not so much into the Mardi Gras scene at Mardi Gras – way too many people smushed into those streets for me. But, I wouldn’t mind going back to New Orleans. Let’s see what else…. I want to go to Marrakesh and shop in the bazaar, I want to make something beautiful, I want to take photos and have a display, I want to write a book, I want to plant a herb garden, I want to watch a space shuttle launch, I want to go back to IRAM and watch the horses, I want to serve and to help, I want to be a friendly face for someone who needs it, I want to be a success in my career, I want girls trips with my dear friends, I want to go to Wales and Scotland… My list could go on, that is only the beginning.
   Is there anything I should avoid because it sounds too difficult? No! Because through all of this is a desire to go where God wants me to go, to do what God wants me to do. I am the only me and want to be the best me I can. You are the only you, and I hope you have the same aspiration. So, my list changes over time with guidance from a Heavenly Father. Dream big!

Just on Time

Different plants bloom at different times. I don’t if you ever noticed, but it is spring – so take a look around. There are some trees which have budded, bloomed, leafed out and look ready to go for another year. Others are somewhere mid-process, while still more are just beginning to bud. What would happen if we set up a timetable of when this should occur? All trees that are going to be productive are going to bud and be fully leafed out by April 24. If they are not, then they are just weaker or dying and we are cutting them all down.
That sounds rather foolish doesn’t it? We don’t do that with trees, flowers, but do with people. So, let’s change the metaphor just a bit. If someone is to bloom, I’m not talking about an age range or biological factors. Instead this is blooming by perceiving and then reaching towards meeting your potential and purposes. Society often has this preconceived timetable of when this should be, the mysterious and shrouded “they” are in charge of this time table. We know that when someone tries to bunk the myth and ask why, “because they say so....”. Who says you have to college at a certain age, who says you are going to learn a new skill, you have to learn it by a pre-appointed time. Does that mean if I don’t meet your timetable that my head will explode or the time continuum as we know it will shatter?
Sometimes, we need to just provide a little encouragement. Provide a bit of fertilizer and nourishment, a word or two of pep talk, and then sit back. After some time and lots of sunshine, you may find that this person is not only blooming, but is one of the best fruit producers of the whole lot.
In the church, do we put age limits on ourselves or others? I’m too young to do that. I’m too old to do that. I had my time, now I get to sit back on my laurels and just watch. No offense, but who really wants to sit on a laurel – ouch! Nonsense! There may be years and years of nourishment that has gone into this person that suddenly springs forward in a burst of blooms and ability that is absolutely breathtaking. Where would we be if we just cut them down? It is important to remember that our timeline is not God’s timeline. He will insist we bloom just on time.

God's Stop Watch

I have four calendars on my desk at work, three more at home, plus the planner in my purse.  I keep my cell phone handy to serve as not only the communication piece, but it also serves as my watch.  I like knowing what is coming up next in my day.  I plan for meetings, plan for tasks, plan for planning - yes I am a list maker.  So, you can imagine why after reading all of this about signs and times and seasons, that part of me just wants a date on the calendar.  You know, God stamps it on all of the calendars at once in shiny gold, coming soon to the earth near you .....

Yeah, it doesn't work like that.  Instead, "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father," (Matthew 24:36).  In other words, God has his own calendar and he's not sharing it right now.  Instead, "As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark; and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away. That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man. Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left. Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left," (Matthew 24: 37-41).  Part of me wonders why this is.  If we knew, then perhaps more would be prepared for that moment, perhaps less would be left.  But, I also think that if we knew, we would all have a moment of mob temporary insanity and behave quite badly.  So, I will trust that God has a perfect calendar and I don't need to know what it says.  In the meanwhile, I need to just keep living each day as the gift it is.

Getting Away

Ever felt the need to get away?  You know, when the cry inside of you reaches out and starts screaming, “Stop the world I want off!”  Things get too much, too hard, too busy.  In other words, you need rest.  Then, following a good night’s sleep, have you ever noticed that it is a little better, a little easier?

Jesus stirred the city, he cleaned out the temple, he healed, he rejoiced in the presence of the children.  Sounds like a full day to me. 

“And he left them and went out of the city to Bethany, where he spent the night,” (Matthew 21:17).

I have four calendars on my desk, three are paper and one is electronic.  Another electronic on my home PC, another paper one at home, and a bound calendar in my purse.  I have been there when my calendar was so jammed full of this, that, and the other that without all of those calendars, there was no way I could remember all of the to-dos to do during the day. All of the things on that calendar were good.  But, at the end of the day, I was exhausted and not being filled with what I needed.  How was it I couldn’t be filled with so many good things going on? I needed to make sure that I included one more thing in my schedule.  I needed to leave and get away, spending time with God.  The quiet time with God recharges me as nothing else does.