Meant to Move

A few days after a trip, with a stormy night making yesterday feel even longer, about three o’clock in the afternoon I wanted to go home and go to bed, getting some sleep. Oh sleep!!! Where is my bed? Can I just lie my head down on a conference table someplace? A banana, nearly green like I like it, and a glass of water helped. But, I knew that when I got home from work that I would need to help mow. I don’t really mind mowing on days like yesterday, with a nice breeze and without it being very hot. In fact, it’s good exercise and thinking time.

Pulling into the driving, my head was set back against the headrest. The door opened, the warm air rushed in and I just sat there. Oh, I just want to sleep. Must change clothes, must put on tennis shoes…must go hug the pillow and curl up for a quick nap. The curling up lasted seconds, the mowing started. With a water bottle tucked into my pocket, I headed out to mow. At first, my feet were dragging along with my sheer force of being forced too. Continuing on it became easier, energy came even as the grass grew shorter.
We are meant to move. We gain energy with movement, exercise, exertion. It seems contrary and rest is certainly an important and necessary thing. Progressing along, stirring in our path, we are meant to move. Step out and let’s dance down the path, or at least make ourselves finish the mowing.

On the Cusp

The day that Jesus has been aware of for eternity is almost to him in Matthew 26: 36-46. It is in that garden that we find the pieces of crisis falling into place, foretold and not yet understood. This is one of those moments which for me helps to answer the why questions in life. Why does this happen? Why can’t that happen?
Haven’t you ever wanted to just pray, and yes – have indeed prayed – trying to negotiate with God what will happen next? Sure, we all have. But, eventually we have to make a decision. We can decide to follow our will or God’s will.
What about Jesus? Here in the garden of Gethsemane, he could have surely slipped away in the night. Avoiding the guards, the Pharisees, slipping into obscurity. Maybe think that escape was not an option, he could have tried to reason his way out, change the tacts with the Pharisees which had not worked and be the political friend rather than foe. Maybe he could have acted as the king in the way that the people expected, setting up an army to overthrow Roman rule. Instead, the words were…
“My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”
Then a second time he prayed, “My father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.” After a third prayer, Jesus returned to the disciples. Finding them once again asleep, he wakes them and tells them, “Rise, let us go! Here comes my betrayer!”


The moment was there, the choices had been made. Not my will God, but yours.

So when I want to negotiate, when I want to do something different than God’s will – not my will God, but yours.

Overwhelming Will

For some reason, it is hard for me to turn things over to God’s will.  It’s not that I don’t love him, I do.  It’s not that I don’t believe him, I do.  But how much do I trust?  That’s not an easy question in the hard times, when there is so much importance in what happens next.  Lord, do I want your will to be done or my will done?

I know the arguments.  My view of things is not the same as God’s, therefore God would make wiser choices based on having all the facts.  My intelligence is certainly not the same as God’s, therefore God would make the smarter choice.  My heart is not good like God’s, therefore my decision might be based on personal motives, mistaken understandings, or sin.  So, what is exactly is the difference?

I think it lies in the gap between what I believe as to who God is and how God views me or anyone else.  On one side of the gap is God as he really is.  On the other side is my limited view.  Then, God asks me to trust him, to not ignore the gap but to place trust in it instead to bridge the chasm. 

This week has been a difficult one as I practiced seeking out God’s will.  What if it wasn’t the outcome I wanted?  What if it didn’t happen the way I hoped?  What if this, what if that… the statements flashed through my mind.  Yet, I must consider one additional what if.  What if I don’t trust God’s will?

Last night, as I settled in to complete my Bible Study, I was reminded by the devotional that we are equipped when we are called by God, he equips us knowing both what we will need to face the various parts of life as well as what we will need to move through them in a way that God wants us to.  I was reminded that God is eternally and completely good.  Then going even deeper into the thoughts, I thought again of how God wants what is best for each one of us, not only best but absolutely right, good, and perfect. 

Yet, it is still such a struggle to turn over the perceived control and relax in the request of God’s fulfillment of his good and perfect will.  Perhaps what I perceive as the best outcome won’t happen.  Perhaps it will even turn out in such a way that seems terrible.  Perhaps what God’s will is something beyond my comprehension, my understanding, my liking, my comfort. 

No, it is not an easy thing to turn this over to God’s will.  But I will continue to try and trust, to practice relinquishing this perceived control, and relying on God whole heartedly, with my whole self.