Overwhelming Will

For some reason, it is hard for me to turn things over to God’s will.  It’s not that I don’t love him, I do.  It’s not that I don’t believe him, I do.  But how much do I trust?  That’s not an easy question in the hard times, when there is so much importance in what happens next.  Lord, do I want your will to be done or my will done?

I know the arguments.  My view of things is not the same as God’s, therefore God would make wiser choices based on having all the facts.  My intelligence is certainly not the same as God’s, therefore God would make the smarter choice.  My heart is not good like God’s, therefore my decision might be based on personal motives, mistaken understandings, or sin.  So, what is exactly is the difference?

I think it lies in the gap between what I believe as to who God is and how God views me or anyone else.  On one side of the gap is God as he really is.  On the other side is my limited view.  Then, God asks me to trust him, to not ignore the gap but to place trust in it instead to bridge the chasm. 

This week has been a difficult one as I practiced seeking out God’s will.  What if it wasn’t the outcome I wanted?  What if it didn’t happen the way I hoped?  What if this, what if that… the statements flashed through my mind.  Yet, I must consider one additional what if.  What if I don’t trust God’s will?

Last night, as I settled in to complete my Bible Study, I was reminded by the devotional that we are equipped when we are called by God, he equips us knowing both what we will need to face the various parts of life as well as what we will need to move through them in a way that God wants us to.  I was reminded that God is eternally and completely good.  Then going even deeper into the thoughts, I thought again of how God wants what is best for each one of us, not only best but absolutely right, good, and perfect. 

Yet, it is still such a struggle to turn over the perceived control and relax in the request of God’s fulfillment of his good and perfect will.  Perhaps what I perceive as the best outcome won’t happen.  Perhaps it will even turn out in such a way that seems terrible.  Perhaps what God’s will is something beyond my comprehension, my understanding, my liking, my comfort. 

No, it is not an easy thing to turn this over to God’s will.  But I will continue to try and trust, to practice relinquishing this perceived control, and relying on God whole heartedly, with my whole self.