Monday, April 25, 2011

In the Valley, On the Mountain, In the Pen

    I’m once again sitting in the puppy pen, with the dog. Poor pup, she had one internal suture that just wouldn’t dissolve and had to be removed. So, here we are again - in the pen, with her paw sitting on top of my foot. A knee brace is on my knee and I’m tired. It’s been a long day. Running here, running there – I admit that I was close to tears this morning. Poke me and I won’t bleed, I’ll just melt into a hot salty mess of tears making a great big puddle in the floor. What caused all of that though? Well, I got up early to take the dog to the vet to have the suture removed. I always hate leaving her, but especially hated it this time because I knew she really just had her ACL fixed about a month and a half ago. Reopen part of the incision, it seems like a really awful thing, especially when I can’t explain why or what for or really reassure that this is for her good and I am coming back. So, leaving there, I headed to the knee doctor. I have reached the point, six months after originally injuring it, where I just want it fixed. Really folks, it’s been long enough. I’ve tried to be a good sport with physical therapy, repeated appointments, etc… but today I felt like we were back at the beginning. Well, it could be… or it could be… or …. Oh my goodness, just fix it! So, I tried to pull it all together and get to work. Only to have to leave a few hours later for an MRI and then to pick up the pup from the vet, did I mention I did a lot of going from place to place today.
   So, sitting here in the pen I could quite easily feel pretty sorry for myself. I hurt and am tired, the pup has a wound that is seeping a bit still, and I still don’t have an answer for my knee. But instead of dissolving and melting, which is still a possibility because that’s life, I’m trying my best to remember that God is in control and is good. He is good on the mountain when things are calm and beautiful. He is in the valley, when things are dark and you want to just go back to bed and crawl in for the remainder of however long it’s going to take for the remaining problem to dissipate. He is good when you are sitting in the puppy pen with the dog licking your pajama pant leg as she is commencing her nightly bathing ritual. He is good regardless. Regardless of the place, the situation, the mood, the weather, the economy, the politics, the environment, regardless of my hopes or dreams or failures – God is good. He is good when there are valleys and storms. He is good when joints hurt or sutures don’t dissolve. God is good when lupine is blooming and spring winds are carrying sounds of mountain goats. God is good when skies are blue, clouds are fluffy and everything is going just right. God is good when dogs are hurt, when we are hurt and when we are contained in puppy pens.
   I may just spend some time dissolving into a pile of tears soon, especially if I don’t have an answer of something that is wrong with my knee in the next week. But, God will still be good.