Monday, April 18, 2011

Not Going to Listen

   I stand with my hands firmly placed over my ears. They put a solid, consistent pressure over the openings and block out some sound. “I’m not going to listen. I refuse. I won’t.” The muscles are tense and getting tired, my head starts hurting, and yet I remain stubborn – I’m not listening! I don’t care if everyone else says that it’s about God and not about me, I’m not happy with the change and so I intend to just ignore it until the very thing I am ignoring comes and knocks me flat on my behind.

   I’ve been in that spot before. I’ve been there, with cramped arms and a cramped torso, and feeling stuck because you can’t do much with your hands placed over your ears. My stomach places itself into knots as my refusal turns from rebellion to indignation to arrogant pride to sheepish un-knowing of how to extract myself from the situation. I’ve placed my hands over my ears when God tells me to move and when He tells me not to move. “Are you kidding me? You want me to do WHAT? Have you thought that through thoroughly?”
   And in the midst of that, the sorrowful things mount. I miss out on the conversation, feeling as if God is standing there with an exasperated look on His face, shaking His head, and waiting with great patience for a small child to stop throwing a temper tantrum. I miss out on His plan, His desire to do work within me. All that strain on my arms, like holding a handle for too long and too tightly and the muscles don’t relax easily. “Ummm… I’m stuck God.” I do appreciate that He doesn’t laugh at me at this point, but helps me to remove my arms.
   If you have your movement of arms stuck up in some weird angle, hands thoroughly pressed against your ears, I encourage you to know that you aren’t alone and that God can help those hands relax so you can hear again.