Defined

   Who gets to define what success is? I was in a conversation not too long ago and the topic turned to what is success. If I Google successful people, I come up with a wide variety of Thomas Edison bios, instructional material on How to Be a Success, and promos of How to be Successful Without a College Degree. Looking through the list, it is easy to see that the main qualification for success here is financial success or media success. But, is that really the end of the definition? Is that even a good definition?
   Is the mom who bakes 200 cupcakes for PTO a success as she puts every effort possible forth into raising her child? Is the entrepreneur who follows a dream and does not ever meet wealth a success? Is the artist a success for creating the art or for finding a buyer? Do you have to move to a foreign land to be a success? Do you have to make a certain amount of money; is there a minimum and cap to that? I was reading a biography about John Adams and I think that he phrased it quite well “The laws of man may bind him in chains or may put him to death, but they can never make him wise, virtuous or happy.” The laws of man, though he was referring to actual legal systems, are also composed of the unwritten rules. The rules of what society deems what is to be “normal”, “acceptable”, and “successful”. Those laws, they are often separating, divisive, and confusingly defined. If someone fails, how much success does it take to make up for that, to balance it back out? Why does that change for some and the scale seem weighted?
   So, I guess when it boils it down, what is distilled is I question what do I consider to be a success, for me to be a success. I think one reason why it is so hard for me to answer that is that there are multiple points trying to impress upon me their definition. Plus, my finish line seems to keep moving. I no more accomplish one thing and then feel like I need to jump to the next challenge. So with all of that rolling around in my head, it was a struggle to sleep, until I came upon a very short phrase that led me to turn off the light, snuggle into my blanket, and head to sleep. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28. My drive to achieve is part of me, it’s a persistence that has proved to be a boon when I have spent ten hours on an econ exam, when I didn’t want to take the next step, when I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next. But, how sweet those words were, when after the trying and seeking and working and wearing out, “come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Now that’s a definition I can live with.

Flouting Socks

   Why do socks have to match? Okay, I know it’s a conventional rule that if you wear one white sock with a grey heel and toe, that the other sock also has a grey heel and toe. But have you ever considered why? Why can’t I wear one blue sock and one green if they both match my outfit? I mean, it’s not like one is more or less sock than the other.

   There are lots of little rules that we obey because they are the conventions. I’m not so certain that most of them are even written down. But, we are taught them none-the-less. Is there an area of convention you need to flout?

Transitions

When I know why a change is or is not occurring I can normally accept it. I may not like it, approve of it, or even want it – but I can accept it. There are sometimes though I just rail against the change, the transitions in life that leave me feeling as if I am in transit, stuck in the back of some cab that is heading east while I’m wanting to go south. Where is the control? Can I have a steering wheel here in the back seat? And a brake pedal too?
It’s been a week of changes; many transitions have hit me this week. With nearly one per day of major transitions, I was left feeling my eyes grow teary at the last one. No more! I know life is not static. I know that change will and must occur, but not in such close succession.
And at the same time I am trying to keep it all together, in that moment when I had no words and a completely stunned look on my face, I know there are other transitions I would love to make but have not had the opportunity. What a dichotomy, what strange mishmash of perceived wants with transitions avoided and transitions sought in nearly the same breath. No wonder women are confusing to men. It’s not so much that we change our minds as we haven’t really explained that there are no hard fast rules only lots of little minute ones, with great subtlety and sub text. A list grows in my mind even now of transitions I would willingly and gladly make in my life, but they do not occur. Others which I find unpleasant or completely surprising, they come with frequency.
This makes me think; perhaps I have the whole transition thing backwards. Maybe I should want the ones which are occurring and not want the ones which aren’t occurring. Or, if not want – maybe I should be quicker to accept them.
It must seem as if I am talking in code. Let me back up and start again. A friend is moving, transitioning, to a new and wonderful stage of her life – motherhood. I am saying good-bye to my friend as a co-worker, as a co-worker who lives multiple states away. Will we lose touch? Will we just drift apart without topics of workplace function and process to keep us talking? At the same time, she is taking on a wonderful and noble transition which I would love to do. My heart, while being so incredibly pleased for her, aches for me. And yet, the ache is tempered by a desire for God’s will, a trust in God’s plan. It changes the hurt from a raw wound, to one that is being treated and bandaged properly. Unfortunately, this hurt is not one cured by a shot or sitting just so. I have to turn this over to God and let him heal it for me.


Perhaps I do have the whole transition thing backwards. Maybe the wanted transitions are just God’s way of wanting our attention.

The Rules

Have you ever heard something about the social rules of things?  Perhaps it is clothed in a nickname like society or expectations or normal.  The authority that comes behind this is from the famous and at times infamous and always vague they.

They say that you should do this.

---- They say you should do that.

----    ---- Don’t wear this!

----     ----    ---- Did you hear?

The little phrases can turn our lives upside down as the they governed rules are applied to our lives.  I have looked at my own life many times in that light and can hear the they in my head. 

However, the they and the rules is such a lie!  While there are real society rules which do help define a sense of common culture, they can become a lachrymose lie hanging over our heads and hearts.  Laugh a deep laugh, a laugh that comes all the way from your toes as you look at the silliness of those rules and then you decide!